I don't know about you, but I HATE wasting anything. I hate wasting food, I hate wasting money, but most of all I hate wasting my time or my energy. Your TIME and your ENERGY are your most valuable commodities, so it's vital to know what your kid's love language is if you are not going to waste your time and energy. I wanted to be intentional at filling my kid's love tank, while expending the least amount of energy.
My daughter was age nine when I realized that her love languages were gifts and acts of service, the two love languages that I am the weakest in. My youngest son's love language was quality time. One of the worst punishments that I could ever give my youngest child was grounding him from seeing his friends.
My middle son's love language was physical touch. One of the ways that I figured out what their love languages were - I took each child out to lunch individually and asked them a series of questions.
I understand that as your children are developing and growing it might be difficult to completely figure out what their love languages are, but pay attention to what makes them light up.
Read the book: "The five Love Languages of Children" By: Gary Chapman & Ross Campbell, M.D.
It is also vital that you know your child's personality type. I know that there are plenty of different personality books out there, but the one that I like the most is the D.I.S.C. taught by Pastor John Fichtner. Being a Psychology minor in college I was exposed to several forms of teaching on personality type, but the reason I like Pastor John's is that he is the only one that teaches you what the battle is for each personality type. He also lets you know what the curses are for each personality type. You can listen online by going to: http://www.libertychurch.org/. It helped me SO much when it came to understanding my kids. My daughter is an "I"/"C" type personality. She was my biggest challenge in trying to figure out. The I/C is double intense and double fragile.
My middle son TJ is "D"/"S" He is a Doer, Driver, Direct, Dominate, personality. With this personality type, negative punishments do not work. They are goal oriented, so the way that you shape and mold their character is by using a totally different parenting strategy. For a "D" personality you:
AGREE ON A GOAL AND TEST A METHOD. Here is what that looks like practically speaking and an example of what we did:
Parenting Strategy for raising “D” kids - Agree on a Goal and Test a Method.
TJ’s character goal - Peaceful and Easy Going vs. Argumentative and Headstrong!
TJ’s physical reward - One $20.00 Airsoft Gun.
1. Not to disagree, argue, or have a bad attitude for thirty days.
2. Agreed upon goal - One $20.00 Airsoft Gun.
3. Time frame: Depends on TJ. Perfect record, TJ will get his gun February 14th, Valentines Day! He is allowed three strikes each day before he loses a day. That means that the date moves back a day. If the date goes past February 19th, he can no longer reach his goal of earning the gun.
4. Mom and Dad will determine what words, actions, or attitudes constitute a strike. If TJ argues about a strike, another strike will be added on.
5. If TJ loses so many strikes that he is unable to obtain the gun by February 19th, then he does not get the gun at all. This allows him 15 strikes in a 30 day period.
TJ, may I suggest you begin each day by asking the Power of God to enable you to rotate it to “S”? You are an awesome kid and I know with God’s help you will reach your goal.
Contract Signed By:
Tim Shedd _____________________________
TJ Shedd ______________________________
Naomi Shedd ___________________________
Offer expires February 19, 2002
Oh, by the way, he did get his Airsoft gun, but the more important gift was his mom learned how to TRAIN her "D" son using methods that actually work. We were big on using contracts in the teen years. I have a file in my computer designated to various contracts to apply to various situations.
Here are a few more ideas for creative punishments:
1. TJ - Agree on a goal and test a method: Example: Brag water backpack. (To earn camel back.)
2. Take away Amanda’s favorite jeans.
3. Take away new shoes.
4. No computer, email, instant message.
5. No phone.
6. Pay money.
7. Read One-Year Bible with Mom for one month. (I like this one.)
This blog concludes this series on Discipline and Punishments, so in summary here is what we covered:
The TOOLS of Consistency:
From ages 1-6 punishment was pretty cut and dry. I used the swat chart to correct my children. On a good day I would read the corresponding scripture before administering the rod of correction. On an average day I would just identify the offense, check for how many swats that offense accounted for and again administer the rod of correction. On a bad day I was too selfish and lazy to correct my children despite their misbehavior.
How much I LOVE my children is directly related to how consistently I correct them when they have done wrong (Proverbs 13:24).
Ages 7-12 We moved into the non -spanking, negative reinforcement. I moved more into the discipline and training of my children. This is when it takes more effort on Tim and I to "always have a punishment in our back pocket.”
Ages 13–18: We moved into the TRAINING era of developing our children. This is the toughest area of parenting, because we have to grow up. This is mutual respect and mutual accountability. This is when we begin the process of transferring authority to our children.
Tomorrow's blog is entitled: "Relinquish Control or Die"
Forever your biggest fan,
Naomi
Showing posts with label punishment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label punishment. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Creative Corrections
I know in my previous blog when I talked about the "Swat Chart", I said it went up to age eight, but you really should stop spanking your child by age five or six, because after that age it can become a point of shame.
The number one way that you punish or correct teenagers is MONEY. Give them ten dollars a week allowance. Fifty percent of everything they make goes into savings for a car when they are 16. One dollar goes to tithes. Four dollars they get to keep. WHEN THEY FORGET TO DO SOMETHING THAT THEY HAVE BEEN TOLD TO DO, I SAY, "THAT WILL COST YOU A DOLLAR." IF THEY DO SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARILY ABOVE AND BEYOND, THEY GET A DOLLAR.
Remember, “Fathers (or mothers) do not embitter your children." Remember in my earlier blog I stated that the way you "embitter" your teenagers is by requiring higher standards of them than you require of yourself. The solution is mutual accountability. SOOOOO.....
IF I AS THE PARENT HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE (tone of voice), THEN IT COSTS MOM OR DAD A DOLLAR. So what happens if I as the parent don't think I had a bad tone of voice, but the teenager does?
If I don’t think it was a bad tone of voice, any other member of the family can break the tie.
If there are only two people present the tie goes to the parent.
Because they have the majority of the responsibility on them and they are the covering.
If someone refuses to tithe or if they don’t take the responsibility to tithe, they are a child. We should not have to remind the kids to tithe.
TOOLS FOR TRAINING - AGE 13 TO 18.
1. Listen to tapes: "Tongue Binding" and "Secrets of a Hard Worker" from "Job and Career Series" by Pastor John Fichtner
2. Make them identify what area they are being a child: Hygiene, Work, Graciousness, Money, Attitude
3. Write Chapters of the Bible
4. Write 100 times: "I will not be a “Beamer.” based on Matthew 7:1-5.
5. Write Matthew 7:1-5
6. Memorize Matthew 7:1-5
7. Memorize Proverbs 3
8. Write Essay on Punishments
9. Read a book: “How to Win Friends and Influence people”, "Five Love Languages"or "Preparing for Adolescence". Amanda read the books, TJ preferred the tape series' and doing the workbook.
10. Do a course: TJ and Tyler had to do the entire "Fruit of the Spirit" series before they could do anything else like play computer, watch TV, have friends over, ride bikes, talk on the phone etc. I told them that they were grounded for however long it took them to complete the course. (Note: This gives them more power to decide how long their grounding was going to be.) They did the whole course (eight sermons) complete with workbook in one day.
11. Spend time in prayer: Pray prayer of repentance when anyone has a bad tone of voice or bad body language.
This was on our Punishment board and often times I would let them choose what punishment they wanted to do. Giving them a choice shows respect, which is the number one thing that teenagers want.
REMEMBER: A good punishment is hard on them easy on you.
Pleasure & Pain
Hebrews 12:11 - No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but PAINFUL. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and Peace for those who have been TRAINED by it.
Acts of Service:
For when your children have wronged each other or you as a parent have wronged them.
Forgiveness is automatic. TRUST has to be re-earned.
1. Make breakfast for each other
2. Make Lunch for each other
3. Make your sibling's Bed
4. WRITE LOVE NOTES TO YOUR BROTHER/SISTER: (Note: I still have all the love notes the kids have written to each other, they are precious to go back and read.)
5. Clean your brother/sister's room
6. Load hockey stuff
7. Do chores
8. Wash and fold each others' clothes.
9. For TJ or Tyler: Fix Mom or Amanda a cup of tea.
Ephesians 6:1
"Children obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do."
Tomorrow I will share the importance of knowing your child's love language and personality type. These are crucial when it comes to discipline and love.
As always, cheering you on!!
The number one way that you punish or correct teenagers is MONEY. Give them ten dollars a week allowance. Fifty percent of everything they make goes into savings for a car when they are 16. One dollar goes to tithes. Four dollars they get to keep. WHEN THEY FORGET TO DO SOMETHING THAT THEY HAVE BEEN TOLD TO DO, I SAY, "THAT WILL COST YOU A DOLLAR." IF THEY DO SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARILY ABOVE AND BEYOND, THEY GET A DOLLAR.
Remember, “Fathers (or mothers) do not embitter your children." Remember in my earlier blog I stated that the way you "embitter" your teenagers is by requiring higher standards of them than you require of yourself. The solution is mutual accountability. SOOOOO.....
IF I AS THE PARENT HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE (tone of voice), THEN IT COSTS MOM OR DAD A DOLLAR. So what happens if I as the parent don't think I had a bad tone of voice, but the teenager does?
If I don’t think it was a bad tone of voice, any other member of the family can break the tie.
If there are only two people present the tie goes to the parent.
Because they have the majority of the responsibility on them and they are the covering.
If someone refuses to tithe or if they don’t take the responsibility to tithe, they are a child. We should not have to remind the kids to tithe.
TOOLS FOR TRAINING - AGE 13 TO 18.
1. Listen to tapes: "Tongue Binding" and "Secrets of a Hard Worker" from "Job and Career Series" by Pastor John Fichtner
2. Make them identify what area they are being a child: Hygiene, Work, Graciousness, Money, Attitude
3. Write Chapters of the Bible
4. Write 100 times: "I will not be a “Beamer.” based on Matthew 7:1-5.
5. Write Matthew 7:1-5
6. Memorize Matthew 7:1-5
7. Memorize Proverbs 3
8. Write Essay on Punishments
9. Read a book: “How to Win Friends and Influence people”, "Five Love Languages"or "Preparing for Adolescence". Amanda read the books, TJ preferred the tape series' and doing the workbook.
10. Do a course: TJ and Tyler had to do the entire "Fruit of the Spirit" series before they could do anything else like play computer, watch TV, have friends over, ride bikes, talk on the phone etc. I told them that they were grounded for however long it took them to complete the course. (Note: This gives them more power to decide how long their grounding was going to be.) They did the whole course (eight sermons) complete with workbook in one day.
11. Spend time in prayer: Pray prayer of repentance when anyone has a bad tone of voice or bad body language.
This was on our Punishment board and often times I would let them choose what punishment they wanted to do. Giving them a choice shows respect, which is the number one thing that teenagers want.
REMEMBER: A good punishment is hard on them easy on you.
Pleasure & Pain
Hebrews 12:11 - No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but PAINFUL. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and Peace for those who have been TRAINED by it.
Acts of Service:
For when your children have wronged each other or you as a parent have wronged them.
Forgiveness is automatic. TRUST has to be re-earned.
1. Make breakfast for each other
2. Make Lunch for each other
3. Make your sibling's Bed
4. WRITE LOVE NOTES TO YOUR BROTHER/SISTER: (Note: I still have all the love notes the kids have written to each other, they are precious to go back and read.)
5. Clean your brother/sister's room
6. Load hockey stuff
7. Do chores
8. Wash and fold each others' clothes.
9. For TJ or Tyler: Fix Mom or Amanda a cup of tea.
Ephesians 6:1
"Children obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do."
Tomorrow I will share the importance of knowing your child's love language and personality type. These are crucial when it comes to discipline and love.
As always, cheering you on!!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Punishments for Parents
For a parent, the ages from birth to twelve are physically exhausting years, however, the teen years bring emotional exhaustion. The teen years are when YOU get to grow up. How you handle the teen years will determine if you are going to remain friends with your kids as adults. The Bible says in Ephesians 6:4: "Father's do not exasperate your children." The way that you exasperate your children is by requiring higher standards of them, than you require of yourself. What I mean by that is that you are allowed to raise your voice and yell at your kid, but if your kid raises his voice and yells at you, he gets grounded or gets in trouble. No, that is not right. If you mess up you need to be held accountable and your kids should be allowed to correct you as well. Tim and I used to have to get on our knees (there's something very humbling about getting on your knees) and pray after we have lost our temper or used a wrong tone of voice with our teenagers.
During the teen years this prayer became part of our "Punishment Wall" and both teenager and/or parent would have to go to the wall, take it down and pray it. Even Dad.
Tell the Lord that you are turning today. From this day forward you have set my heart that I am an adult and there is no excuse when I have a smart mouth. It was because I HAD A BAD ATTITUDE. When I am irritated IT IS BECAUSE I HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE. I WILL LIVE THIS WAY OF HUMILITY.
PRAYER
“LORD JESUS I REPENT, I TURN, I CHOOSE THIS DAY TO GROW UP, TO BE AN ADULT, TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ATTITUDES AND I THANK YOU FOR YOUR GRACE TO REPENT. AND OUT OF THIS REPENTANCE I ASK YOUR FORGIVENESS BY THE SHED BLOOD OF JESUS. I RECEIVE FORGIVENESS, I RECEIVE CLEANSING. BY THE BLOOD OF JESUS I FORGIVE MYSELF. I EMBRACE THE GRACE TO DELIGHT IN DRINKING THE FRUITS OF MY ATTITUDES. I WANT TO GROW UP AND I MAY SLIP AND FALL, BUT WHEN I DO I CHOOSE THIS DAY TO DRINK THE CUP AND TO GROW. SO I WORSHIP YOU, I DELIGHT IN YOU, I TRUST YOU. JESUS, YOU'RE MY STRENGTH,YOU’RE MY HOPE, YOU’RE MY LIFE, YOU’RE MY VICTORY AND I GIVE YOU ALL THE GLORY. IN JESUS' NAME AMEN.”
Other punishments the kids gave me:
1. I had to make TJ's bed for a week for him, due to loosing my temper with him.
2. I had to pay the kids money on several occasions for a bad tone of voice.
We have a policy that you can talk about anything and everything in our home as long as you do it calmly and humbly. We paid the price, but our home is a home of peace and it was so worth it.
A humble man WANTS TRUTH MORE THAN HE WANTS TO BE RIGHT.
Humbly yours,
I have quite a bit to say regarding the teen years, so we are going to park it right here for the next few days.
During the teen years this prayer became part of our "Punishment Wall" and both teenager and/or parent would have to go to the wall, take it down and pray it. Even Dad.
Tell the Lord that you are turning today. From this day forward you have set my heart that I am an adult and there is no excuse when I have a smart mouth. It was because I HAD A BAD ATTITUDE. When I am irritated IT IS BECAUSE I HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE. I WILL LIVE THIS WAY OF HUMILITY.
PRAYER
“LORD JESUS I REPENT, I TURN, I CHOOSE THIS DAY TO GROW UP, TO BE AN ADULT, TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ATTITUDES AND I THANK YOU FOR YOUR GRACE TO REPENT. AND OUT OF THIS REPENTANCE I ASK YOUR FORGIVENESS BY THE SHED BLOOD OF JESUS. I RECEIVE FORGIVENESS, I RECEIVE CLEANSING. BY THE BLOOD OF JESUS I FORGIVE MYSELF. I EMBRACE THE GRACE TO DELIGHT IN DRINKING THE FRUITS OF MY ATTITUDES. I WANT TO GROW UP AND I MAY SLIP AND FALL, BUT WHEN I DO I CHOOSE THIS DAY TO DRINK THE CUP AND TO GROW. SO I WORSHIP YOU, I DELIGHT IN YOU, I TRUST YOU. JESUS, YOU'RE MY STRENGTH,YOU’RE MY HOPE, YOU’RE MY LIFE, YOU’RE MY VICTORY AND I GIVE YOU ALL THE GLORY. IN JESUS' NAME AMEN.”
Other punishments the kids gave me:
1. I had to make TJ's bed for a week for him, due to loosing my temper with him.
2. I had to pay the kids money on several occasions for a bad tone of voice.
We have a policy that you can talk about anything and everything in our home as long as you do it calmly and humbly. We paid the price, but our home is a home of peace and it was so worth it.
A humble man WANTS TRUTH MORE THAN HE WANTS TO BE RIGHT.
Humbly yours,
I have quite a bit to say regarding the teen years, so we are going to park it right here for the next few days.
Monday, August 23, 2010
TRAIN Up a Child
Window: Ages 2 - 5 = Discipline
My favorite season of parenting was ages 8 - 12. In parenting you are given definite "windows" to instill into your kids. Age 1 - 5 is the "window" of establishing discipline. A disciplined child = a child with a good self-esteem. If you do that job well, life is much easier than if you miss that window.
Window: Ages 8 - 12 = Training
At age 8 - 9 a child's brain develops to the point of being able to think abstractly. What that means is that they are able to comprehend spiritual concepts. It is this "window" of time that your majority of training will take place. It's after the baby stage and before the teen stage. It was this season of life that I drilled wisdom into my kids. This is how I did that. Again, it takes being intentional.
1. Video Games = sound effects turned OFF, and teaching tape on LOUDLY!!
I hate wasting anything. I hate wasting, money, I hate wasting food, but I especially hate wasting TIME. My time and energy are my most valued commodities. When the kids were ages 8 - 12, they started getting interested in video games. The only way I could justify them playing video games was if they played with the sound effects turned OFF and a teaching tape playing in the background. I'm fully convinced that this policy is a key factor to the success they are experiencing today. They listened to so many tape series they had them memorized. They listened to Pastor John's sermons any time they played video games.
2. Family Devotions: AKA "Nugget Night"
Every Friday night we had "Nugget Night" which was family devotions. We named it "Nugget Night" because of the nuggets of truth we would discover in God's Word. We would all gather in the living room, everyone with their workbooks and pens and we would listen to series on "The Armor of God", " The Holy Spirit", or "Teenagers". We would fill out our discussion questions and do a round table discussion on what we learned. The kids loved "Nugget Night", because we always ordered pizza and ate ice cream after our Bible study time. They would also invite their friends in the neighborhood to come to "Nugget Night", so it was a great evangelism outreach.
3. Discipline = Training
Another thing that changes dramatically during this stage of life is your style of discipline. You use misbehavior as an opportunity for training. By this time your child is too big to spank, so you need to change your parenting strategy when it comes to how you correct your child's behavior. This strategy replaced the "Swat Chart" on my punishment board when my kids got older. Though it was a new strategy, it still enabled Tim and I to "always have a punishment in our back pocket."
Negative Reinforcements for ages 9-12:
1. Wash Dog
2. Sweep Porch
3. Don’t go to CHAT (Our home school support group)
4. Clean Mirrors
5. Do dishes
6. Write Chapters of the Bible
7. Write 100 times: "I will not be a “Beamer” based on Matthew 7:1-5. ("Beamer" = Focusing on the faults of others.)
8. Write Matthew 7:1-5
9. Memorize Matthew 7:1-5
10. Write: “I will be kind to my brother” 100 times.
11. Write: “I will be kind to my kids.” Note: This was for me, if I did not hold up our family's "kindness" policy. (Yes they could punish me as well. More on this later.)
12. Memorize Proverbs 3
13. Write an essay on punishments
14. Write: “I will not stir up strife or anger."
15. Vacuum
16. Pay money
17. No Telephone
18. No TV
19. No Computer
20. Raking pine straw up into the pine islands
I know when you are struggling just to keep your head above water, get dinner on the table and the kids to hockey practice, it might be hard to keep in mind the big picture. But it is vital to keep in mind what you are aiming for.
Tomorrow I will cover my parenting strategies for the teen years.
Cheering you on!!
My favorite season of parenting was ages 8 - 12. In parenting you are given definite "windows" to instill into your kids. Age 1 - 5 is the "window" of establishing discipline. A disciplined child = a child with a good self-esteem. If you do that job well, life is much easier than if you miss that window.
Window: Ages 8 - 12 = Training
At age 8 - 9 a child's brain develops to the point of being able to think abstractly. What that means is that they are able to comprehend spiritual concepts. It is this "window" of time that your majority of training will take place. It's after the baby stage and before the teen stage. It was this season of life that I drilled wisdom into my kids. This is how I did that. Again, it takes being intentional.
1. Video Games = sound effects turned OFF, and teaching tape on LOUDLY!!
I hate wasting anything. I hate wasting, money, I hate wasting food, but I especially hate wasting TIME. My time and energy are my most valued commodities. When the kids were ages 8 - 12, they started getting interested in video games. The only way I could justify them playing video games was if they played with the sound effects turned OFF and a teaching tape playing in the background. I'm fully convinced that this policy is a key factor to the success they are experiencing today. They listened to so many tape series they had them memorized. They listened to Pastor John's sermons any time they played video games.
2. Family Devotions: AKA "Nugget Night"
Every Friday night we had "Nugget Night" which was family devotions. We named it "Nugget Night" because of the nuggets of truth we would discover in God's Word. We would all gather in the living room, everyone with their workbooks and pens and we would listen to series on "The Armor of God", " The Holy Spirit", or "Teenagers". We would fill out our discussion questions and do a round table discussion on what we learned. The kids loved "Nugget Night", because we always ordered pizza and ate ice cream after our Bible study time. They would also invite their friends in the neighborhood to come to "Nugget Night", so it was a great evangelism outreach.
3. Discipline = Training
Another thing that changes dramatically during this stage of life is your style of discipline. You use misbehavior as an opportunity for training. By this time your child is too big to spank, so you need to change your parenting strategy when it comes to how you correct your child's behavior. This strategy replaced the "Swat Chart" on my punishment board when my kids got older. Though it was a new strategy, it still enabled Tim and I to "always have a punishment in our back pocket."
Negative Reinforcements for ages 9-12:
1. Wash Dog
2. Sweep Porch
3. Don’t go to CHAT (Our home school support group)
4. Clean Mirrors
5. Do dishes
6. Write Chapters of the Bible
7. Write 100 times: "I will not be a “Beamer” based on Matthew 7:1-5. ("Beamer" = Focusing on the faults of others.)
8. Write Matthew 7:1-5
9. Memorize Matthew 7:1-5
10. Write: “I will be kind to my brother” 100 times.
11. Write: “I will be kind to my kids.” Note: This was for me, if I did not hold up our family's "kindness" policy. (Yes they could punish me as well. More on this later.)
12. Memorize Proverbs 3
13. Write an essay on punishments
14. Write: “I will not stir up strife or anger."
15. Vacuum
16. Pay money
17. No Telephone
18. No TV
19. No Computer
20. Raking pine straw up into the pine islands
I know when you are struggling just to keep your head above water, get dinner on the table and the kids to hockey practice, it might be hard to keep in mind the big picture. But it is vital to keep in mind what you are aiming for.
Tomorrow I will cover my parenting strategies for the teen years.
Cheering you on!!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Always Have a Punishment in Your Back Pocket
I would like to dedicate my first blog to Candra Ryan Georgi who provided the words of encouragement and the inspiration to start this blog. I truly admire this new generation of mothers. So this one's for you Candra.
Unlike us Baby Boomer parents, this generation is much more humble and teachable than we were. The Boomers were really messed up in many ways. They had a lot against them, and it’s no wonder many of their lives turned out so poorly. Boomers acted like they had it all together, whereas the Generation X-ers and Millennium's are quick to admit, "Hey, we don't have it all together and we would really appreciate some help and input." That is why I believe they are going to be much more successful than the Baby Boomers were when it comes to their marriages and parenting. They also understand the painful effects of divorce, so they will be more apt to fight for their marriages than the Boomers were. In many ways they have a greater ambition of making it work, because they have seen it fail so many times. We know more about how to make marriage work today than we ever have in human history. I believe the tide is changing with the Generation X and Millennium generation now being part of the largest divorce generation. They are now saying, “WE don’t want that to happen to us, so what will it take? I don’t want to make divorce an option, so what do I have to do?" Divorce, doesn’t come upon you suddenly, it usually happens to people growing apart from each other. But you have to be INTENTIONAL about your marriage, and your parenting.
More about marriage later, this blog is on parenting.
Parenting Strategy 101
THE SWAT CHART
CAUSING TROUBLE/DISCORD - 1 SWAT (taunting, teasing, badgering, "starting it", bullying around, etc. (Proverbs 6: 19)
ARGUING - 3 SWATS (arguing with each other, arguing with adults, verbal fighting etc. (Proverbs 15:1, Proverbs 16:32)
AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR - 3 SWATS (hitting, biting, kicking, pushing, elbowing, anything with the intent to hurt, etc. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
NAME CALLING - 2 SWATS (Calling a person by a name other than his or her own that is not complimentary. (James 3:1-12, Proverbs 6:12, Ephesians 4:31)
DISRESPECT OR DISOBEDIENCE - 3 SWATS (Verbal or non -verbal "back talk", not doing what you are told to do or doing it with a "BAD ATTITUDE", etc. (Ephesians 6:1-3)
LYING - 3 SWATS (Proverbs: 12:22)
MURMURING OR COMPLAINING - 2 SWATS
No - "But mom", "No ma'am" or "Please no" comments. (Philippians 2: 14)
The TOOLS of Consistency
From ages 1-8 punishment was pretty cut and dry. I used the swat chart to correct my children. On a good day, I would read the corresponding scripture before administering the rod of correction. On an average day, I would just identify the offense, check for how many swats that offense incurred and again administer the rod of correction. On a bad day, I was too selfish and lazy to correct my children despite their misbehavior.
How much I LOVE my children is directly related to how consistently I correct them when they have done wrong. (Proverbs 13:24)
When I spanked, I chose to use a 5 gallon paint stirrer. They were free and I had them everywhere - in my van, downstairs, upstairs. They were easy access. But to be honest, if you are consistent in the earlier years, you really do not have to use them much at all.
So this was my parenting strategy for ages 1- 8. Tomorrow I will post my discipline strategy for ages 9 - 12.
Cheering you on,
Mama Shedd
Unlike us Baby Boomer parents, this generation is much more humble and teachable than we were. The Boomers were really messed up in many ways. They had a lot against them, and it’s no wonder many of their lives turned out so poorly. Boomers acted like they had it all together, whereas the Generation X-ers and Millennium's are quick to admit, "Hey, we don't have it all together and we would really appreciate some help and input." That is why I believe they are going to be much more successful than the Baby Boomers were when it comes to their marriages and parenting. They also understand the painful effects of divorce, so they will be more apt to fight for their marriages than the Boomers were. In many ways they have a greater ambition of making it work, because they have seen it fail so many times. We know more about how to make marriage work today than we ever have in human history. I believe the tide is changing with the Generation X and Millennium generation now being part of the largest divorce generation. They are now saying, “WE don’t want that to happen to us, so what will it take? I don’t want to make divorce an option, so what do I have to do?" Divorce, doesn’t come upon you suddenly, it usually happens to people growing apart from each other. But you have to be INTENTIONAL about your marriage, and your parenting.
More about marriage later, this blog is on parenting.
Parenting Strategy 101
Tim and I have a saying: “Always have a punishment in your back pocket.” The bible tells us that the degree that we CONSISTENTLY discipline our children is the degree that we love them. The only strategy that we know that enables us to fulfill that challenge of consistent discipline is by always being ready with a punishment. In fact often times we will warn our children before we ask them to do something. We will say: “Now I’m going to ask you to do something and I want you to know that how you respond to that request will determine weather you go to hang out night. Have so and so over, or are grounded for the next week etc…” If you are cheerfully obedient then your privileges will remain in tact. However if you choose to sigh, roll your eyes or complain then you have decided to forfeit your privilege for pain.
"Always have a punishment in your back pocket." When it comes to discipline, consistency is the key. With three kids all two years apart it took being intentional in order to stay one step ahead of them. This was one of the "tools of the trade" that we used to help us remain consistent in our discipline. It was clear and concise and allowed us to discipline calmly, quickly, easily and fairly. I had a punishment wall that this was taped to that I could just go to and read what the designated punishment for the crime should be. For example: If TJ hit Tyler, he would get three swats, but if Tyler "started it", he would get one swat. So both kids would get punished for whatever crime they committed. THE SWAT CHART
CAUSING TROUBLE/DISCORD - 1 SWAT (taunting, teasing, badgering, "starting it", bullying around, etc. (Proverbs 6: 19)
ARGUING - 3 SWATS (arguing with each other, arguing with adults, verbal fighting etc. (Proverbs 15:1, Proverbs 16:32)
AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR - 3 SWATS (hitting, biting, kicking, pushing, elbowing, anything with the intent to hurt, etc. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
NAME CALLING - 2 SWATS (Calling a person by a name other than his or her own that is not complimentary. (James 3:1-12, Proverbs 6:12, Ephesians 4:31)
DISRESPECT OR DISOBEDIENCE - 3 SWATS (Verbal or non -verbal "back talk", not doing what you are told to do or doing it with a "BAD ATTITUDE", etc. (Ephesians 6:1-3)
LYING - 3 SWATS (Proverbs: 12:22)
MURMURING OR COMPLAINING - 2 SWATS
No - "But mom", "No ma'am" or "Please no" comments. (Philippians 2: 14)
The TOOLS of Consistency
From ages 1-8 punishment was pretty cut and dry. I used the swat chart to correct my children. On a good day, I would read the corresponding scripture before administering the rod of correction. On an average day, I would just identify the offense, check for how many swats that offense incurred and again administer the rod of correction. On a bad day, I was too selfish and lazy to correct my children despite their misbehavior.
How much I LOVE my children is directly related to how consistently I correct them when they have done wrong. (Proverbs 13:24)
When I spanked, I chose to use a 5 gallon paint stirrer. They were free and I had them everywhere - in my van, downstairs, upstairs. They were easy access. But to be honest, if you are consistent in the earlier years, you really do not have to use them much at all.
So this was my parenting strategy for ages 1- 8. Tomorrow I will post my discipline strategy for ages 9 - 12.
Cheering you on,
Mama Shedd
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