I know in my previous blog when I talked about the "Swat Chart", I said it went up to age eight, but you really should stop spanking your child by age five or six, because after that age it can become a point of shame.
The number one way that you punish or correct teenagers is MONEY. Give them ten dollars a week allowance. Fifty percent of everything they make goes into savings for a car when they are 16. One dollar goes to tithes. Four dollars they get to keep. WHEN THEY FORGET TO DO SOMETHING THAT THEY HAVE BEEN TOLD TO DO, I SAY, "THAT WILL COST YOU A DOLLAR." IF THEY DO SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARILY ABOVE AND BEYOND, THEY GET A DOLLAR.
Remember, “Fathers (or mothers) do not embitter your children." Remember in my earlier blog I stated that the way you "embitter" your teenagers is by requiring higher standards of them than you require of yourself. The solution is mutual accountability. SOOOOO.....
IF I AS THE PARENT HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE (tone of voice), THEN IT COSTS MOM OR DAD A DOLLAR. So what happens if I as the parent don't think I had a bad tone of voice, but the teenager does?
If I don’t think it was a bad tone of voice, any other member of the family can break the tie.
If there are only two people present the tie goes to the parent.
Because they have the majority of the responsibility on them and they are the covering.
If someone refuses to tithe or if they don’t take the responsibility to tithe, they are a child. We should not have to remind the kids to tithe.
TOOLS FOR TRAINING - AGE 13 TO 18.
1. Listen to tapes: "Tongue Binding" and "Secrets of a Hard Worker" from "Job and Career Series" by Pastor John Fichtner
2. Make them identify what area they are being a child: Hygiene, Work, Graciousness, Money, Attitude
3. Write Chapters of the Bible
4. Write 100 times: "I will not be a “Beamer.” based on Matthew 7:1-5.
5. Write Matthew 7:1-5
6. Memorize Matthew 7:1-5
7. Memorize Proverbs 3
8. Write Essay on Punishments
9. Read a book: “How to Win Friends and Influence people”, "Five Love Languages"or "Preparing for Adolescence". Amanda read the books, TJ preferred the tape series' and doing the workbook.
10. Do a course: TJ and Tyler had to do the entire "Fruit of the Spirit" series before they could do anything else like play computer, watch TV, have friends over, ride bikes, talk on the phone etc. I told them that they were grounded for however long it took them to complete the course. (Note: This gives them more power to decide how long their grounding was going to be.) They did the whole course (eight sermons) complete with workbook in one day.
11. Spend time in prayer: Pray prayer of repentance when anyone has a bad tone of voice or bad body language.
This was on our Punishment board and often times I would let them choose what punishment they wanted to do. Giving them a choice shows respect, which is the number one thing that teenagers want.
REMEMBER: A good punishment is hard on them easy on you.
Pleasure & Pain
Hebrews 12:11 - No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but PAINFUL. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and Peace for those who have been TRAINED by it.
Acts of Service:
For when your children have wronged each other or you as a parent have wronged them.
Forgiveness is automatic. TRUST has to be re-earned.
1. Make breakfast for each other
2. Make Lunch for each other
3. Make your sibling's Bed
4. WRITE LOVE NOTES TO YOUR BROTHER/SISTER: (Note: I still have all the love notes the kids have written to each other, they are precious to go back and read.)
5. Clean your brother/sister's room
6. Load hockey stuff
7. Do chores
8. Wash and fold each others' clothes.
9. For TJ or Tyler: Fix Mom or Amanda a cup of tea.
Ephesians 6:1
"Children obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do."
Tomorrow I will share the importance of knowing your child's love language and personality type. These are crucial when it comes to discipline and love.
As always, cheering you on!!
Showing posts with label teaching tapes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label teaching tapes. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Monday, August 30, 2010
Why the Name: "Professional Parenting"
A few months ago, my middle son TJ came home from work, handed me a set of motivational CDs that he had been listening to and said,
TJ: "You should listen to these you would like them."
Mom: "Really, why is that?"
TJ: "Because he talks about a bunch of stuff that you are always telling us."
Mom: "Really, like what?"
TJ: "Like you know how you are always telling us to live in the moment and don't be texting all the time and how you are always taking pictures and how you are always setting goals. You do what he tells us to do in business, except you just do it in parenting."
Mom: "That's really funny that you would say that TJ, because I have been thinking about writing a book called "Professional Parenting" with the subtitle: "The Business Man's Guide to Parenting."
TJ: "I think you should write it."
So that is how the name of this blog came to be. I have it on my list to co-author a book by that title with John Maxwell. I'm not naive to the fact that most of the parenting books that are purchased are purchased by wives who then try to coerce their husbands into reading them. The "following" on this blog confirms that it's the women who are doing the reading on parenting. As far as I know, I don't have any men following my blog. However, if a book was written about parenting that the man could use the principals in his business as well as in his parenting, then perhaps more men would be more interested in reading that book.
OK enough about the title. Today I would like to talk to you about the importance of setting goals in your parenting. It is my belief that the days of passive parenting are a thing of the past. I don't believe you can be passive in your training and have your kids survive this sin-filled culture. My personality type "D" enables me to keep my eye on a goal for a very long time.
I had 3 goals in mind as my kids were growing up:
1. The importance of the power of the tongue.
2. How to resolve conflict.
3. The importance of guarding their innocence.
The power of the tongue.
The Bible is very clear about the power of speech to do great good or evil. Here, words are described as having the power of life and death--the power to build somebody up or tear them down. The power of the tongue should not be underestimated. Proverbs 18:21 - "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. "Eat" what? You will either eat the fruit of life or you will eat the fruit of death, depending on how you speak. Each day you are given a choice as to whether you are going to float your tongue in the river of life or the river of death. CHOOSE LIFE!
This is a lesson that all 3 of my kids have learned well. Very rarely will you ever hear them speak negatively about themselves or others. They understand the power to speak verbal blessings. Another reason I know that my kids "got this one" is because now that my kids are grown, I will sometimes relax my "guard". Just the other day I said something that was not positive in nature and my son said, "I can't believe you spoke that curse over my life." So yeah, I think all three of my kids got that one.
How to Resolve Conflict:
This is probably the one that I put the most effort into helping them learn, because I feel that if someone has good conflict resolution skills they will be successful in every area of their life. They will be successful in their marriage, they will be successful in their jobs. Since many times the reason someone gets fired is not because they can't do the work, but rather because they can't get a long with people. The training tool that I used to teach them how to be good at Conflict Resolution is Pastor John Fichtner's teaching series: "Conflict Resolution". You can listen to this series online if you would like by going to http://www.libertychurch.org/. Tim and I also tried to lead by example, by allowing our kids to observe how Tim and I worked to come to agreement when making decisions. Being good at conflict resolution requires people to be teachable and humble. Remember a humble person "WANTS TRUTH MORE THAN THEY WANT TO BE RIGHT." I have seen my kids resolve conflict over the years in a healthy manner, so I know that they got this principal as well. My youngest son was in a band when he was 15 - 16. Being in a band and working with 5 other families provided him with many opportunities for implementing his conflict resolution skills. Now whether they choose to apply what they know is another matter all together, but at least they have the knowledge of HOW to resolve conflict properly.
The importance of guarding your innocence:
In today's sin-filled culture you are looked at as weird if you even attempt to guard your innocence. What I tried to communicate to my kids is you are not weird for trying to guard your innocence, but you are rare and valuable.
For our 25th wedding anniversary, my wonderful husband bought me a beautiful diamond ring. I would hold up that ring and ask my kids, "Why is this diamond so valuable?" After many guesses we would come to the conclusion that what makes things valuable is how rare they are. One way we decided to protect their innocence was by purchasing a Clearplay DVD player. Its a DVD player that filters out the sex, cussing, and excessive violence. That way we can enjoy a movie without having to lay aside Biblical principals for the sake of "entertainment". During the teen years they did not feel like they were current and up on movies, so our compromise was Clearplay. Good leadership is being able to come up with options that everyone is pleased with. Now that my kids are adults, I don't always agree with their media choices but its their lives and they will have to live with the choices they make. It's my hope that the filth of this world will be distasteful to them and they will return to guarding their innocence once again. Don't get me wrong, their media choices are probably much like the average Christian Joe's media choices and my standards are looked at by others as "weird", but to me I find them very valuable.
So in conclusion, I would like to challenge you to start thinking about what goals you would like to achieve as parents. What would you like for your children to leave your home with when they move out, and what tools are you going to implement in order for you to reach those goals?
One other side note: It's vital that you understand that you can make goals all you want, but unless your son or daughter sees the benefit of that goal, they will be YOUR goals, NOT THEIR GOALS. One thing about generation X-ers and the Millennium generation is they don't do anything unless you show them how it will BENEFIT them. So not only is it important to come up with the goals, but even more important is communicating to your teens how adopting these goals for themselves will BENEFIT THEM.
Tomorrow I promise to write about creative punishments for teenagers and I will also share the number one thing that teens want.
TJ: "You should listen to these you would like them."
Mom: "Really, why is that?"
TJ: "Because he talks about a bunch of stuff that you are always telling us."
Mom: "Really, like what?"
TJ: "Like you know how you are always telling us to live in the moment and don't be texting all the time and how you are always taking pictures and how you are always setting goals. You do what he tells us to do in business, except you just do it in parenting."
Mom: "That's really funny that you would say that TJ, because I have been thinking about writing a book called "Professional Parenting" with the subtitle: "The Business Man's Guide to Parenting."
TJ: "I think you should write it."
So that is how the name of this blog came to be. I have it on my list to co-author a book by that title with John Maxwell. I'm not naive to the fact that most of the parenting books that are purchased are purchased by wives who then try to coerce their husbands into reading them. The "following" on this blog confirms that it's the women who are doing the reading on parenting. As far as I know, I don't have any men following my blog. However, if a book was written about parenting that the man could use the principals in his business as well as in his parenting, then perhaps more men would be more interested in reading that book.
OK enough about the title. Today I would like to talk to you about the importance of setting goals in your parenting. It is my belief that the days of passive parenting are a thing of the past. I don't believe you can be passive in your training and have your kids survive this sin-filled culture. My personality type "D" enables me to keep my eye on a goal for a very long time.
I had 3 goals in mind as my kids were growing up:
1. The importance of the power of the tongue.
2. How to resolve conflict.
3. The importance of guarding their innocence.
The power of the tongue.
The Bible is very clear about the power of speech to do great good or evil. Here, words are described as having the power of life and death--the power to build somebody up or tear them down. The power of the tongue should not be underestimated. Proverbs 18:21 - "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. "Eat" what? You will either eat the fruit of life or you will eat the fruit of death, depending on how you speak. Each day you are given a choice as to whether you are going to float your tongue in the river of life or the river of death. CHOOSE LIFE!
This is a lesson that all 3 of my kids have learned well. Very rarely will you ever hear them speak negatively about themselves or others. They understand the power to speak verbal blessings. Another reason I know that my kids "got this one" is because now that my kids are grown, I will sometimes relax my "guard". Just the other day I said something that was not positive in nature and my son said, "I can't believe you spoke that curse over my life." So yeah, I think all three of my kids got that one.
How to Resolve Conflict:
This is probably the one that I put the most effort into helping them learn, because I feel that if someone has good conflict resolution skills they will be successful in every area of their life. They will be successful in their marriage, they will be successful in their jobs. Since many times the reason someone gets fired is not because they can't do the work, but rather because they can't get a long with people. The training tool that I used to teach them how to be good at Conflict Resolution is Pastor John Fichtner's teaching series: "Conflict Resolution". You can listen to this series online if you would like by going to http://www.libertychurch.org/. Tim and I also tried to lead by example, by allowing our kids to observe how Tim and I worked to come to agreement when making decisions. Being good at conflict resolution requires people to be teachable and humble. Remember a humble person "WANTS TRUTH MORE THAN THEY WANT TO BE RIGHT." I have seen my kids resolve conflict over the years in a healthy manner, so I know that they got this principal as well. My youngest son was in a band when he was 15 - 16. Being in a band and working with 5 other families provided him with many opportunities for implementing his conflict resolution skills. Now whether they choose to apply what they know is another matter all together, but at least they have the knowledge of HOW to resolve conflict properly.
The importance of guarding your innocence:
In today's sin-filled culture you are looked at as weird if you even attempt to guard your innocence. What I tried to communicate to my kids is you are not weird for trying to guard your innocence, but you are rare and valuable.
For our 25th wedding anniversary, my wonderful husband bought me a beautiful diamond ring. I would hold up that ring and ask my kids, "Why is this diamond so valuable?" After many guesses we would come to the conclusion that what makes things valuable is how rare they are. One way we decided to protect their innocence was by purchasing a Clearplay DVD player. Its a DVD player that filters out the sex, cussing, and excessive violence. That way we can enjoy a movie without having to lay aside Biblical principals for the sake of "entertainment". During the teen years they did not feel like they were current and up on movies, so our compromise was Clearplay. Good leadership is being able to come up with options that everyone is pleased with. Now that my kids are adults, I don't always agree with their media choices but its their lives and they will have to live with the choices they make. It's my hope that the filth of this world will be distasteful to them and they will return to guarding their innocence once again. Don't get me wrong, their media choices are probably much like the average Christian Joe's media choices and my standards are looked at by others as "weird", but to me I find them very valuable.
So in conclusion, I would like to challenge you to start thinking about what goals you would like to achieve as parents. What would you like for your children to leave your home with when they move out, and what tools are you going to implement in order for you to reach those goals?
One other side note: It's vital that you understand that you can make goals all you want, but unless your son or daughter sees the benefit of that goal, they will be YOUR goals, NOT THEIR GOALS. One thing about generation X-ers and the Millennium generation is they don't do anything unless you show them how it will BENEFIT them. So not only is it important to come up with the goals, but even more important is communicating to your teens how adopting these goals for themselves will BENEFIT THEM.
Tomorrow I promise to write about creative punishments for teenagers and I will also share the number one thing that teens want.
Monday, August 23, 2010
TRAIN Up a Child
Window: Ages 2 - 5 = Discipline
My favorite season of parenting was ages 8 - 12. In parenting you are given definite "windows" to instill into your kids. Age 1 - 5 is the "window" of establishing discipline. A disciplined child = a child with a good self-esteem. If you do that job well, life is much easier than if you miss that window.
Window: Ages 8 - 12 = Training
At age 8 - 9 a child's brain develops to the point of being able to think abstractly. What that means is that they are able to comprehend spiritual concepts. It is this "window" of time that your majority of training will take place. It's after the baby stage and before the teen stage. It was this season of life that I drilled wisdom into my kids. This is how I did that. Again, it takes being intentional.
1. Video Games = sound effects turned OFF, and teaching tape on LOUDLY!!
I hate wasting anything. I hate wasting, money, I hate wasting food, but I especially hate wasting TIME. My time and energy are my most valued commodities. When the kids were ages 8 - 12, they started getting interested in video games. The only way I could justify them playing video games was if they played with the sound effects turned OFF and a teaching tape playing in the background. I'm fully convinced that this policy is a key factor to the success they are experiencing today. They listened to so many tape series they had them memorized. They listened to Pastor John's sermons any time they played video games.
2. Family Devotions: AKA "Nugget Night"
Every Friday night we had "Nugget Night" which was family devotions. We named it "Nugget Night" because of the nuggets of truth we would discover in God's Word. We would all gather in the living room, everyone with their workbooks and pens and we would listen to series on "The Armor of God", " The Holy Spirit", or "Teenagers". We would fill out our discussion questions and do a round table discussion on what we learned. The kids loved "Nugget Night", because we always ordered pizza and ate ice cream after our Bible study time. They would also invite their friends in the neighborhood to come to "Nugget Night", so it was a great evangelism outreach.
3. Discipline = Training
Another thing that changes dramatically during this stage of life is your style of discipline. You use misbehavior as an opportunity for training. By this time your child is too big to spank, so you need to change your parenting strategy when it comes to how you correct your child's behavior. This strategy replaced the "Swat Chart" on my punishment board when my kids got older. Though it was a new strategy, it still enabled Tim and I to "always have a punishment in our back pocket."
Negative Reinforcements for ages 9-12:
1. Wash Dog
2. Sweep Porch
3. Don’t go to CHAT (Our home school support group)
4. Clean Mirrors
5. Do dishes
6. Write Chapters of the Bible
7. Write 100 times: "I will not be a “Beamer” based on Matthew 7:1-5. ("Beamer" = Focusing on the faults of others.)
8. Write Matthew 7:1-5
9. Memorize Matthew 7:1-5
10. Write: “I will be kind to my brother” 100 times.
11. Write: “I will be kind to my kids.” Note: This was for me, if I did not hold up our family's "kindness" policy. (Yes they could punish me as well. More on this later.)
12. Memorize Proverbs 3
13. Write an essay on punishments
14. Write: “I will not stir up strife or anger."
15. Vacuum
16. Pay money
17. No Telephone
18. No TV
19. No Computer
20. Raking pine straw up into the pine islands
I know when you are struggling just to keep your head above water, get dinner on the table and the kids to hockey practice, it might be hard to keep in mind the big picture. But it is vital to keep in mind what you are aiming for.
Tomorrow I will cover my parenting strategies for the teen years.
Cheering you on!!
My favorite season of parenting was ages 8 - 12. In parenting you are given definite "windows" to instill into your kids. Age 1 - 5 is the "window" of establishing discipline. A disciplined child = a child with a good self-esteem. If you do that job well, life is much easier than if you miss that window.
Window: Ages 8 - 12 = Training
At age 8 - 9 a child's brain develops to the point of being able to think abstractly. What that means is that they are able to comprehend spiritual concepts. It is this "window" of time that your majority of training will take place. It's after the baby stage and before the teen stage. It was this season of life that I drilled wisdom into my kids. This is how I did that. Again, it takes being intentional.
1. Video Games = sound effects turned OFF, and teaching tape on LOUDLY!!
I hate wasting anything. I hate wasting, money, I hate wasting food, but I especially hate wasting TIME. My time and energy are my most valued commodities. When the kids were ages 8 - 12, they started getting interested in video games. The only way I could justify them playing video games was if they played with the sound effects turned OFF and a teaching tape playing in the background. I'm fully convinced that this policy is a key factor to the success they are experiencing today. They listened to so many tape series they had them memorized. They listened to Pastor John's sermons any time they played video games.
2. Family Devotions: AKA "Nugget Night"
Every Friday night we had "Nugget Night" which was family devotions. We named it "Nugget Night" because of the nuggets of truth we would discover in God's Word. We would all gather in the living room, everyone with their workbooks and pens and we would listen to series on "The Armor of God", " The Holy Spirit", or "Teenagers". We would fill out our discussion questions and do a round table discussion on what we learned. The kids loved "Nugget Night", because we always ordered pizza and ate ice cream after our Bible study time. They would also invite their friends in the neighborhood to come to "Nugget Night", so it was a great evangelism outreach.
3. Discipline = Training
Another thing that changes dramatically during this stage of life is your style of discipline. You use misbehavior as an opportunity for training. By this time your child is too big to spank, so you need to change your parenting strategy when it comes to how you correct your child's behavior. This strategy replaced the "Swat Chart" on my punishment board when my kids got older. Though it was a new strategy, it still enabled Tim and I to "always have a punishment in our back pocket."
Negative Reinforcements for ages 9-12:
1. Wash Dog
2. Sweep Porch
3. Don’t go to CHAT (Our home school support group)
4. Clean Mirrors
5. Do dishes
6. Write Chapters of the Bible
7. Write 100 times: "I will not be a “Beamer” based on Matthew 7:1-5. ("Beamer" = Focusing on the faults of others.)
8. Write Matthew 7:1-5
9. Memorize Matthew 7:1-5
10. Write: “I will be kind to my brother” 100 times.
11. Write: “I will be kind to my kids.” Note: This was for me, if I did not hold up our family's "kindness" policy. (Yes they could punish me as well. More on this later.)
12. Memorize Proverbs 3
13. Write an essay on punishments
14. Write: “I will not stir up strife or anger."
15. Vacuum
16. Pay money
17. No Telephone
18. No TV
19. No Computer
20. Raking pine straw up into the pine islands
I know when you are struggling just to keep your head above water, get dinner on the table and the kids to hockey practice, it might be hard to keep in mind the big picture. But it is vital to keep in mind what you are aiming for.
Tomorrow I will cover my parenting strategies for the teen years.
Cheering you on!!
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