Creative Corrections

I know in my previous blog when I talked about the "Swat Chart", I said it went up to age eight, but you really should stop spanking your child by age five or six, because after that age it can become a point of shame. 

The number one way that you punish or correct teenagers is MONEY. Give them ten dollars a week allowance. Fifty percent of everything they make goes into savings for a car when they are 16. One dollar goes to tithes. Four dollars they get to keep. WHEN THEY FORGET TO DO SOMETHING THAT THEY HAVE BEEN TOLD TO DO, I SAY, "THAT WILL COST YOU A DOLLAR." IF THEY DO SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARILY ABOVE AND BEYOND, THEY GET A DOLLAR.

Remember, “Fathers (or mothers) do not embitter your children."  Remember in my earlier blog I stated that the way you "embitter" your teenagers is by requiring higher standards of them than you require of yourself.  The solution is mutual accountability.  SOOOOO.....

 IF I AS THE PARENT HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE (tone of voice), THEN IT COSTS MOM OR DAD A DOLLAR.  So what happens if I as the parent don't think I had a bad tone of voice, but the teenager does?

 If I don’t think it was a bad tone of voice, any other member of the family can break the tie.

If there are only two people present the tie goes to the parent.

Because they have the majority of the responsibility on them and they are the covering.

If someone refuses to tithe or if they don’t take the responsibility to tithe, they are a child.  We should not have to remind the kids to tithe.

TOOLS FOR TRAINING - AGE 13 TO 18.

1. Listen to tapes: "Tongue Binding" and "Secrets of a Hard Worker" from "Job and Career Series" by Pastor John Fichtner

2. Make them identify what area they are being a child: Hygiene, Work, Graciousness, Money, Attitude

3. Write Chapters of the Bible

4. Write 100 times: "I will not be a “Beamer.” based on Matthew 7:1-5.

5. Write Matthew 7:1-5

6. Memorize Matthew 7:1-5

7. Memorize Proverbs 3

8. Write Essay on Punishments

9. Read a book: “How to Win Friends and Influence people”, "Five Love Languages"or "Preparing for Adolescence". Amanda read the books, TJ preferred the tape series' and doing the workbook.

10. Do a course: TJ and Tyler had to do the entire "Fruit of the Spirit" series before they could do anything else like play computer, watch TV, have friends over, ride bikes, talk on the phone etc. I told them that they were grounded for however long it took them to complete the course. (Note: This gives them more power to decide how long their grounding was going to be.)  They did the whole course (eight sermons) complete with workbook in one day.

11. Spend time in prayer: Pray prayer of repentance when anyone has a bad tone of voice or bad body language.

This was on our Punishment board and often times I would let them choose what punishment they wanted to do.  Giving them a choice shows respect, which is the number one thing that teenagers want.

REMEMBER:  A good punishment is hard on them easy on you.

Pleasure & Pain

Hebrews 12:11 - No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but PAINFUL. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and Peace for those who have been TRAINED by it.

Acts of Service:

For when your children have wronged each other or you as a parent have wronged them.

Forgiveness is automatic. TRUST has to be re-earned.

1. Make breakfast for each other

2. Make Lunch for each other

3. Make your sibling's Bed

4. WRITE LOVE NOTES TO YOUR BROTHER/SISTER: (Note: I still have all the love notes the kids have written to each other, they are precious to go back and read.)   

5. Clean your brother/sister's room

6. Load hockey stuff

7. Do chores

8. Wash and fold each others' clothes.

9. For TJ or Tyler: Fix Mom or Amanda a cup of tea.

Ephesians 6:1

"Children obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do."
Tomorrow I will share the importance of knowing your child's love language and personality type.  These are crucial when it comes to discipline and love.

As always, cheering you on!!

TRAIN Up a Child

Window: Ages 2 - 5 = Discipline

My favorite season of parenting was ages 8 - 12.  In parenting you are given definite "windows" to instill into your kids.  Age 1 - 5 is the "window" of establishing discipline.  A disciplined child = a child with a good self-esteem.  If you do that job well, life is much easier than if you miss that window. 

Window: Ages 8 - 12 = Training

At age 8 - 9 a child's brain develops to the point of being able to think abstractly.  What that means is that they are able to comprehend spiritual concepts.  It is this "window" of time that your majority of training will take place.  It's after the baby stage and before the teen stage.  It was this season of life that I drilled wisdom into my kids.  This is how I did that.  Again, it takes being intentional. 

1.  Video Games = sound effects turned OFF, and teaching tape on LOUDLY!!

I hate wasting anything.  I hate wasting, money, I hate wasting food, but I especially hate wasting TIME.  My time and energy are my most valued commodities.  When the kids were ages 8 - 12, they started getting interested in video games.  The only way I could justify them playing video games was if they played with the sound effects turned OFF and a teaching tape playing in the background.  I'm fully convinced that this policy is a key factor to the success they are experiencing today.  They listened to so many tape series they had them memorized.  They listened to Pastor John's sermons any time they played video games. 

2.  Family Devotions: AKA "Nugget Night"

Every Friday night we had "Nugget Night" which was family devotions.  We named it "Nugget Night" because of the nuggets of truth we would discover in God's Word.  We would all gather in the living room, everyone with their workbooks and pens and we would listen to series on "The Armor of God", " The Holy Spirit", or "Teenagers". We would fill out our discussion questions and do a round table discussion on what we learned.  The kids loved "Nugget Night", because we always ordered pizza and ate ice cream after our Bible study time.  They would also invite their friends in the neighborhood to come to "Nugget Night", so it was a great evangelism outreach. 

3.  Discipline = Training

Another thing that changes dramatically during this stage of life is your style of discipline.  You use misbehavior as an opportunity for training.  By this time your child is too big to spank, so you need to change your parenting strategy when it comes to how you correct your child's behavior. This strategy replaced the "Swat Chart" on my punishment board when my kids got older. Though it was a new strategy, it still enabled Tim and I to "always have a punishment in our back pocket."

Negative Reinforcements for ages 9-12:

1. Wash Dog

2. Sweep Porch

3. Don’t go to CHAT (Our home school support group)

4. Clean Mirrors

5. Do dishes

6. Write Chapters of the Bible

7. Write 100 times: "I will not be a “Beamer” based on Matthew 7:1-5. ("Beamer" = Focusing on the faults of others.)

8. Write Matthew 7:1-5

9. Memorize Matthew 7:1-5

10. Write: “I will be kind to my brother” 100 times.

11. Write: “I will be kind to my kids.” Note: This was for me, if I did not hold up our family's "kindness" policy. (Yes they could punish me as well. More on this later.)

12. Memorize Proverbs 3

13. Write an essay on punishments

14. Write: “I will not stir up strife or anger."

15. Vacuum

16. Pay money

17. No Telephone

18. No TV

19. No Computer

20. Raking pine straw up into the pine islands

I know when you are struggling just to keep your head above water, get dinner on the table and the kids to hockey practice, it might be hard to keep in mind the big picture.  But it is vital to keep in mind what you are aiming for. 

Tomorrow I will cover my parenting strategies for the teen years. 

Cheering you on!!

Always Have a Punishment in Your Back Pocket

I would like to dedicate my first blog to Candra Ryan Georgi who provided the words of encouragement and the inspiration to start this blog.  I truly admire this new generation of mothers.  So this one's for you Candra.


Unlike us Baby Boomer parents, this generation is much more humble and teachable than we were.  The Boomers were really messed up in many ways. They had a lot against them, and it’s no wonder many of their lives turned out so poorly. Boomers acted like they had it all together, whereas the Generation X-ers and Millennium's are quick to admit,  "Hey, we don't have it all together and we would really appreciate some help and input."  That is why I believe they are going to be much more successful than the Baby Boomers were when it comes to their marriages and parenting.  They also understand the painful effects of  divorce, so they will be more apt to fight for their marriages than the Boomers were.  In many ways they have a greater ambition of making it work, because they have seen it fail so many times. We know more about how to make marriage work today than we ever have in human history. I believe the tide is changing with the Generation X and Millennium generation now being part of the largest divorce generation. They are now saying, “WE don’t want that to happen to us, so what will it take?  I don’t want to make divorce an option, so what do I have to do?"  Divorce, doesn’t come upon you suddenly, it usually happens to people growing apart from each other. But you have to be INTENTIONAL about your marriage, and your parenting.

More about marriage later,  this blog is on parenting.

Parenting Strategy 101

Tim and I have a saying:  “Always have a punishment in your back pocket.”  The bible tells us that the degree that we CONSISTENTLY discipline our children is the degree that we love them.  The only strategy that we know that enables us to fulfill that challenge of consistent discipline is by always being ready with a punishment.  In fact often times we will warn our children before we ask them to do something.  We will say:  “Now I’m going to ask you to do something and I want you to know that how you respond to that request will determine weather you go to hang out night. Have so and so over, or are grounded for the next week etc…” If you are cheerfully obedient then your privileges will remain in tact.  However if you choose to sigh, roll your eyes or complain then you have decided to forfeit your privilege for pain. 

"Always have a punishment in your back pocket." When it comes to discipline, consistency is the key.  With three kids all two years apart it took being intentional in order to stay one step ahead of them.  This was one of the "tools of the trade" that we used to help us remain consistent in our discipline. It was clear and concise and  allowed us to discipline calmly, quickly, easily and fairly.  I had a punishment wall that this was taped to that I could just go to and read what the designated punishment for the crime should be.  For example: If TJ hit Tyler, he would get three swats, but if Tyler "started it", he would get one swat.  So both kids would get punished for whatever crime they committed. 

THE SWAT CHART

CAUSING TROUBLE/DISCORD - 1 SWAT (taunting, teasing, badgering, "starting it", bullying around, etc. (Proverbs 6: 19)

ARGUING - 3 SWATS (arguing with each other, arguing with adults, verbal fighting etc. (Proverbs 15:1, Proverbs 16:32)

AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR - 3 SWATS (hitting, biting, kicking, pushing, elbowing, anything with the intent to hurt, etc. (Ephesians 4:31-32)

NAME CALLING - 2 SWATS (Calling a person by a name other than his or her own that is not complimentary. (James 3:1-12, Proverbs 6:12, Ephesians 4:31)

DISRESPECT OR DISOBEDIENCE - 3 SWATS (Verbal or non -verbal "back talk", not doing what you are told to do or doing it with a "BAD ATTITUDE", etc. (Ephesians 6:1-3)

LYING - 3 SWATS (Proverbs: 12:22)

MURMURING OR COMPLAINING - 2 SWATS
No - "But mom", "No ma'am" or "Please no" comments. (Philippians 2: 14)

The TOOLS of Consistency

From ages 1-8 punishment was pretty cut and dry. I used the swat chart to correct my children. On a good day, I would read the corresponding scripture before administering the rod of correction. On an average day, I would just identify the offense, check for how many swats that offense incurred and again administer the rod of correction. On a bad day, I was too selfish and lazy to correct my children despite their misbehavior.

How much I LOVE my children is directly related to how consistently I correct them when they have done wrong. (Proverbs 13:24)

When I spanked, I chose to use a 5 gallon paint stirrer.  They were free and I had them everywhere - in my van, downstairs, upstairs.  They were easy access.  But to be honest, if you are consistent in the earlier years, you really do not have to use them much at all. 

So this was my parenting strategy for ages 1- 8. Tomorrow I will post my discipline strategy for ages 9 - 12.

Cheering you on,

Mama Shedd