Creative Corrections

I know in my previous blog when I talked about the "Swat Chart", I said it went up to age eight, but you really should stop spanking your child by age five or six, because after that age it can become a point of shame. 

The number one way that you punish or correct teenagers is MONEY. Give them ten dollars a week allowance. Fifty percent of everything they make goes into savings for a car when they are 16. One dollar goes to tithes. Four dollars they get to keep. WHEN THEY FORGET TO DO SOMETHING THAT THEY HAVE BEEN TOLD TO DO, I SAY, "THAT WILL COST YOU A DOLLAR." IF THEY DO SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARILY ABOVE AND BEYOND, THEY GET A DOLLAR.

Remember, “Fathers (or mothers) do not embitter your children."  Remember in my earlier blog I stated that the way you "embitter" your teenagers is by requiring higher standards of them than you require of yourself.  The solution is mutual accountability.  SOOOOO.....

 IF I AS THE PARENT HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE (tone of voice), THEN IT COSTS MOM OR DAD A DOLLAR.  So what happens if I as the parent don't think I had a bad tone of voice, but the teenager does?

 If I don’t think it was a bad tone of voice, any other member of the family can break the tie.

If there are only two people present the tie goes to the parent.

Because they have the majority of the responsibility on them and they are the covering.

If someone refuses to tithe or if they don’t take the responsibility to tithe, they are a child.  We should not have to remind the kids to tithe.

TOOLS FOR TRAINING - AGE 13 TO 18.

1. Listen to tapes: "Tongue Binding" and "Secrets of a Hard Worker" from "Job and Career Series" by Pastor John Fichtner

2. Make them identify what area they are being a child: Hygiene, Work, Graciousness, Money, Attitude

3. Write Chapters of the Bible

4. Write 100 times: "I will not be a “Beamer.” based on Matthew 7:1-5.

5. Write Matthew 7:1-5

6. Memorize Matthew 7:1-5

7. Memorize Proverbs 3

8. Write Essay on Punishments

9. Read a book: “How to Win Friends and Influence people”, "Five Love Languages"or "Preparing for Adolescence". Amanda read the books, TJ preferred the tape series' and doing the workbook.

10. Do a course: TJ and Tyler had to do the entire "Fruit of the Spirit" series before they could do anything else like play computer, watch TV, have friends over, ride bikes, talk on the phone etc. I told them that they were grounded for however long it took them to complete the course. (Note: This gives them more power to decide how long their grounding was going to be.)  They did the whole course (eight sermons) complete with workbook in one day.

11. Spend time in prayer: Pray prayer of repentance when anyone has a bad tone of voice or bad body language.

This was on our Punishment board and often times I would let them choose what punishment they wanted to do.  Giving them a choice shows respect, which is the number one thing that teenagers want.

REMEMBER:  A good punishment is hard on them easy on you.

Pleasure & Pain

Hebrews 12:11 - No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but PAINFUL. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and Peace for those who have been TRAINED by it.

Acts of Service:

For when your children have wronged each other or you as a parent have wronged them.

Forgiveness is automatic. TRUST has to be re-earned.

1. Make breakfast for each other

2. Make Lunch for each other

3. Make your sibling's Bed

4. WRITE LOVE NOTES TO YOUR BROTHER/SISTER: (Note: I still have all the love notes the kids have written to each other, they are precious to go back and read.)   

5. Clean your brother/sister's room

6. Load hockey stuff

7. Do chores

8. Wash and fold each others' clothes.

9. For TJ or Tyler: Fix Mom or Amanda a cup of tea.

Ephesians 6:1

"Children obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do."
Tomorrow I will share the importance of knowing your child's love language and personality type.  These are crucial when it comes to discipline and love.

As always, cheering you on!!

Being An Adult Has Nothing to do With Age

I have seen 40 year old men act like children and 14 year old children act like adults.  Being an adult has NOTHING to do with age. 

A child is FORCED responsibility, an adult TAKES responsibility.  The secret to success throughout the teenage years,  or life for that matter, is for you as parents to remain TEACHABLE and HUMBLE.

A humble mom/dad is someone who desires TRUTH more than they desire to BE RIGHT.

If you remain humble and teachable with your kids in the teen years, you will go from SURVIVING the teen years to THRIVING in the teen years.

 When our middle son was 12, we each signed an agreement that we were going to be people of TRUTH. 

I WANT TRUTH - Naomi
I WANT TRUTH - Tim
I WANT TRUTH - TJ

Being an adult means that the NUMBER ONE area that you take responsibility for is in the area of your ACTIONS and ATTITUDES.  That means that you do not blame others for your bad attitude, you do not make excuses for your bad attitude and you do not deny that you had a bad attitude. 

I want to park it right here because this might very well be the most important thing I ever say in my blog - ever.

THIS BLOG IS BIGGER THAN BLOGS ONE – THREE COMBINED.

WHEN YOU BLAME A BAD ATTITUDE ON ANYONE ELSE…YOU ARE A CHILD.

BAD ATTITUDE = TONE OF VOICE and Body Language. 

THE DAY YOU BECOME AN ADULT IS THE DAY YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE BEFORE GOD FOR YOUR ATTITUDE AND THERE IS NEVER AN EXCUSE FOR A BAD ATTITUDE. If you are an adult, you finish the sentence with, "The reason I’m grumpy is because I have a bad attitude, and I need someone to punish me, because I am serious about wanting to change my childish behavior."

In week 7 of my "Daughter of the King" class, I teach the girls "The Rewards of Obedience"  and I teach them the acronym B.E.D.  (Blame, Excuse, Deny). If you make your BED you will lie in it.  If you BLAME others for your bad attitude you are a CHILD.  If you make EXCUSES for your bad attitude you are a CHILD.  If you DENY that you have a bad attitude you are a CHILD.   If you take responsibility for your bad attitude and accept your punishment, that will help you change your anger issues. Then you are acting like an adult and you are humble. AKA: Someone who wants truth more than you want to be right.

This is a concept I worked very hard at instilling into my kids when they were between the ages of 8 - 12.  During this season of their lives they are very motivated to grow up.  I think it's important that we are specific so our children know what it means to "grow up".  Tomorrow I will talk about some specific goals to help your kids know what they are trying to reach.

From 12 – 17 is when we as parents get to drink the fruit of our own attitudes. Up to 12 years old we are pouring our attitudes into the cups of our children. At 12 – 17  they tell you to drink that cup. If you are apathetic your teenager will be apathetic. If you have a temper your teenager will have a temper. 

Paul listed 15 adult attitudes in I Corinthians 13. These "Fruits of the Spirit" are: Love, Joy, Peace, Gentleness, Patience, Kindness, Does not envy, is not proud, is not RUDE, IS NOT SELF SEEKING,  IS NOT EASILY ANGERED,  KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS, NEVER DELIGHTS IN EVIL, ALWAYS HOPES AND ALWAYS PERSEVERES. THIS IS ADULTHOOD!

The teenage years are a second chance for Mom and Dad to grow up!! Yay!!  I think God smiles at this opportunity. 

Cheering you on.