For a parent, the ages from birth to twelve are physically exhausting years, however, the teen years bring emotional exhaustion. The teen years are when YOU get to grow up. How you handle the teen years will determine if you are going to remain friends with your kids as adults. The Bible says in Ephesians 6:4: "Father's do not exasperate your children." The way that you exasperate your children is by requiring higher standards of them, than you require of yourself. What I mean by that is that you are allowed to raise your voice and yell at your kid, but if your kid raises his voice and yells at you, he gets grounded or gets in trouble. No, that is not right. If you mess up you need to be held accountable and your kids should be allowed to correct you as well. Tim and I used to have to get on our knees (there's something very humbling about getting on your knees) and pray after we have lost our temper or used a wrong tone of voice with our teenagers.
During the teen years this prayer became part of our "Punishment Wall" and both teenager and/or parent would have to go to the wall, take it down and pray it. Even Dad.
Tell the Lord that you are turning today. From this day forward you have set my heart that I am an adult and there is no excuse when I have a smart mouth. It was because I HAD A BAD ATTITUDE. When I am irritated IT IS BECAUSE I HAVE A BAD ATTITUDE. I WILL LIVE THIS WAY OF HUMILITY.
PRAYER
“LORD JESUS I REPENT, I TURN, I CHOOSE THIS DAY TO GROW UP, TO BE AN ADULT, TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ATTITUDES AND I THANK YOU FOR YOUR GRACE TO REPENT. AND OUT OF THIS REPENTANCE I ASK YOUR FORGIVENESS BY THE SHED BLOOD OF JESUS. I RECEIVE FORGIVENESS, I RECEIVE CLEANSING. BY THE BLOOD OF JESUS I FORGIVE MYSELF. I EMBRACE THE GRACE TO DELIGHT IN DRINKING THE FRUITS OF MY ATTITUDES. I WANT TO GROW UP AND I MAY SLIP AND FALL, BUT WHEN I DO I CHOOSE THIS DAY TO DRINK THE CUP AND TO GROW. SO I WORSHIP YOU, I DELIGHT IN YOU, I TRUST YOU. JESUS, YOU'RE MY STRENGTH,YOU’RE MY HOPE, YOU’RE MY LIFE, YOU’RE MY VICTORY AND I GIVE YOU ALL THE GLORY. IN JESUS' NAME AMEN.”
Other punishments the kids gave me:
1. I had to make TJ's bed for a week for him, due to loosing my temper with him.
2. I had to pay the kids money on several occasions for a bad tone of voice.
We have a policy that you can talk about anything and everything in our home as long as you do it calmly and humbly. We paid the price, but our home is a home of peace and it was so worth it.
A humble man WANTS TRUTH MORE THAN HE WANTS TO BE RIGHT.
Humbly yours,
I have quite a bit to say regarding the teen years, so we are going to park it right here for the next few days.
Showing posts with label child training. Show all posts
Showing posts with label child training. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
TRAIN Up a Child
Window: Ages 2 - 5 = Discipline
My favorite season of parenting was ages 8 - 12. In parenting you are given definite "windows" to instill into your kids. Age 1 - 5 is the "window" of establishing discipline. A disciplined child = a child with a good self-esteem. If you do that job well, life is much easier than if you miss that window.
Window: Ages 8 - 12 = Training
At age 8 - 9 a child's brain develops to the point of being able to think abstractly. What that means is that they are able to comprehend spiritual concepts. It is this "window" of time that your majority of training will take place. It's after the baby stage and before the teen stage. It was this season of life that I drilled wisdom into my kids. This is how I did that. Again, it takes being intentional.
1. Video Games = sound effects turned OFF, and teaching tape on LOUDLY!!
I hate wasting anything. I hate wasting, money, I hate wasting food, but I especially hate wasting TIME. My time and energy are my most valued commodities. When the kids were ages 8 - 12, they started getting interested in video games. The only way I could justify them playing video games was if they played with the sound effects turned OFF and a teaching tape playing in the background. I'm fully convinced that this policy is a key factor to the success they are experiencing today. They listened to so many tape series they had them memorized. They listened to Pastor John's sermons any time they played video games.
2. Family Devotions: AKA "Nugget Night"
Every Friday night we had "Nugget Night" which was family devotions. We named it "Nugget Night" because of the nuggets of truth we would discover in God's Word. We would all gather in the living room, everyone with their workbooks and pens and we would listen to series on "The Armor of God", " The Holy Spirit", or "Teenagers". We would fill out our discussion questions and do a round table discussion on what we learned. The kids loved "Nugget Night", because we always ordered pizza and ate ice cream after our Bible study time. They would also invite their friends in the neighborhood to come to "Nugget Night", so it was a great evangelism outreach.
3. Discipline = Training
Another thing that changes dramatically during this stage of life is your style of discipline. You use misbehavior as an opportunity for training. By this time your child is too big to spank, so you need to change your parenting strategy when it comes to how you correct your child's behavior. This strategy replaced the "Swat Chart" on my punishment board when my kids got older. Though it was a new strategy, it still enabled Tim and I to "always have a punishment in our back pocket."
Negative Reinforcements for ages 9-12:
1. Wash Dog
2. Sweep Porch
3. Don’t go to CHAT (Our home school support group)
4. Clean Mirrors
5. Do dishes
6. Write Chapters of the Bible
7. Write 100 times: "I will not be a “Beamer” based on Matthew 7:1-5. ("Beamer" = Focusing on the faults of others.)
8. Write Matthew 7:1-5
9. Memorize Matthew 7:1-5
10. Write: “I will be kind to my brother” 100 times.
11. Write: “I will be kind to my kids.” Note: This was for me, if I did not hold up our family's "kindness" policy. (Yes they could punish me as well. More on this later.)
12. Memorize Proverbs 3
13. Write an essay on punishments
14. Write: “I will not stir up strife or anger."
15. Vacuum
16. Pay money
17. No Telephone
18. No TV
19. No Computer
20. Raking pine straw up into the pine islands
I know when you are struggling just to keep your head above water, get dinner on the table and the kids to hockey practice, it might be hard to keep in mind the big picture. But it is vital to keep in mind what you are aiming for.
Tomorrow I will cover my parenting strategies for the teen years.
Cheering you on!!
My favorite season of parenting was ages 8 - 12. In parenting you are given definite "windows" to instill into your kids. Age 1 - 5 is the "window" of establishing discipline. A disciplined child = a child with a good self-esteem. If you do that job well, life is much easier than if you miss that window.
Window: Ages 8 - 12 = Training
At age 8 - 9 a child's brain develops to the point of being able to think abstractly. What that means is that they are able to comprehend spiritual concepts. It is this "window" of time that your majority of training will take place. It's after the baby stage and before the teen stage. It was this season of life that I drilled wisdom into my kids. This is how I did that. Again, it takes being intentional.
1. Video Games = sound effects turned OFF, and teaching tape on LOUDLY!!
I hate wasting anything. I hate wasting, money, I hate wasting food, but I especially hate wasting TIME. My time and energy are my most valued commodities. When the kids were ages 8 - 12, they started getting interested in video games. The only way I could justify them playing video games was if they played with the sound effects turned OFF and a teaching tape playing in the background. I'm fully convinced that this policy is a key factor to the success they are experiencing today. They listened to so many tape series they had them memorized. They listened to Pastor John's sermons any time they played video games.
2. Family Devotions: AKA "Nugget Night"
Every Friday night we had "Nugget Night" which was family devotions. We named it "Nugget Night" because of the nuggets of truth we would discover in God's Word. We would all gather in the living room, everyone with their workbooks and pens and we would listen to series on "The Armor of God", " The Holy Spirit", or "Teenagers". We would fill out our discussion questions and do a round table discussion on what we learned. The kids loved "Nugget Night", because we always ordered pizza and ate ice cream after our Bible study time. They would also invite their friends in the neighborhood to come to "Nugget Night", so it was a great evangelism outreach.
3. Discipline = Training
Another thing that changes dramatically during this stage of life is your style of discipline. You use misbehavior as an opportunity for training. By this time your child is too big to spank, so you need to change your parenting strategy when it comes to how you correct your child's behavior. This strategy replaced the "Swat Chart" on my punishment board when my kids got older. Though it was a new strategy, it still enabled Tim and I to "always have a punishment in our back pocket."
Negative Reinforcements for ages 9-12:
1. Wash Dog
2. Sweep Porch
3. Don’t go to CHAT (Our home school support group)
4. Clean Mirrors
5. Do dishes
6. Write Chapters of the Bible
7. Write 100 times: "I will not be a “Beamer” based on Matthew 7:1-5. ("Beamer" = Focusing on the faults of others.)
8. Write Matthew 7:1-5
9. Memorize Matthew 7:1-5
10. Write: “I will be kind to my brother” 100 times.
11. Write: “I will be kind to my kids.” Note: This was for me, if I did not hold up our family's "kindness" policy. (Yes they could punish me as well. More on this later.)
12. Memorize Proverbs 3
13. Write an essay on punishments
14. Write: “I will not stir up strife or anger."
15. Vacuum
16. Pay money
17. No Telephone
18. No TV
19. No Computer
20. Raking pine straw up into the pine islands
I know when you are struggling just to keep your head above water, get dinner on the table and the kids to hockey practice, it might be hard to keep in mind the big picture. But it is vital to keep in mind what you are aiming for.
Tomorrow I will cover my parenting strategies for the teen years.
Cheering you on!!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Always Have a Punishment in Your Back Pocket
I would like to dedicate my first blog to Candra Ryan Georgi who provided the words of encouragement and the inspiration to start this blog. I truly admire this new generation of mothers. So this one's for you Candra.
Unlike us Baby Boomer parents, this generation is much more humble and teachable than we were. The Boomers were really messed up in many ways. They had a lot against them, and it’s no wonder many of their lives turned out so poorly. Boomers acted like they had it all together, whereas the Generation X-ers and Millennium's are quick to admit, "Hey, we don't have it all together and we would really appreciate some help and input." That is why I believe they are going to be much more successful than the Baby Boomers were when it comes to their marriages and parenting. They also understand the painful effects of divorce, so they will be more apt to fight for their marriages than the Boomers were. In many ways they have a greater ambition of making it work, because they have seen it fail so many times. We know more about how to make marriage work today than we ever have in human history. I believe the tide is changing with the Generation X and Millennium generation now being part of the largest divorce generation. They are now saying, “WE don’t want that to happen to us, so what will it take? I don’t want to make divorce an option, so what do I have to do?" Divorce, doesn’t come upon you suddenly, it usually happens to people growing apart from each other. But you have to be INTENTIONAL about your marriage, and your parenting.
More about marriage later, this blog is on parenting.
Parenting Strategy 101
THE SWAT CHART
CAUSING TROUBLE/DISCORD - 1 SWAT (taunting, teasing, badgering, "starting it", bullying around, etc. (Proverbs 6: 19)
ARGUING - 3 SWATS (arguing with each other, arguing with adults, verbal fighting etc. (Proverbs 15:1, Proverbs 16:32)
AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR - 3 SWATS (hitting, biting, kicking, pushing, elbowing, anything with the intent to hurt, etc. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
NAME CALLING - 2 SWATS (Calling a person by a name other than his or her own that is not complimentary. (James 3:1-12, Proverbs 6:12, Ephesians 4:31)
DISRESPECT OR DISOBEDIENCE - 3 SWATS (Verbal or non -verbal "back talk", not doing what you are told to do or doing it with a "BAD ATTITUDE", etc. (Ephesians 6:1-3)
LYING - 3 SWATS (Proverbs: 12:22)
MURMURING OR COMPLAINING - 2 SWATS
No - "But mom", "No ma'am" or "Please no" comments. (Philippians 2: 14)
The TOOLS of Consistency
From ages 1-8 punishment was pretty cut and dry. I used the swat chart to correct my children. On a good day, I would read the corresponding scripture before administering the rod of correction. On an average day, I would just identify the offense, check for how many swats that offense incurred and again administer the rod of correction. On a bad day, I was too selfish and lazy to correct my children despite their misbehavior.
How much I LOVE my children is directly related to how consistently I correct them when they have done wrong. (Proverbs 13:24)
When I spanked, I chose to use a 5 gallon paint stirrer. They were free and I had them everywhere - in my van, downstairs, upstairs. They were easy access. But to be honest, if you are consistent in the earlier years, you really do not have to use them much at all.
So this was my parenting strategy for ages 1- 8. Tomorrow I will post my discipline strategy for ages 9 - 12.
Cheering you on,
Mama Shedd
Unlike us Baby Boomer parents, this generation is much more humble and teachable than we were. The Boomers were really messed up in many ways. They had a lot against them, and it’s no wonder many of their lives turned out so poorly. Boomers acted like they had it all together, whereas the Generation X-ers and Millennium's are quick to admit, "Hey, we don't have it all together and we would really appreciate some help and input." That is why I believe they are going to be much more successful than the Baby Boomers were when it comes to their marriages and parenting. They also understand the painful effects of divorce, so they will be more apt to fight for their marriages than the Boomers were. In many ways they have a greater ambition of making it work, because they have seen it fail so many times. We know more about how to make marriage work today than we ever have in human history. I believe the tide is changing with the Generation X and Millennium generation now being part of the largest divorce generation. They are now saying, “WE don’t want that to happen to us, so what will it take? I don’t want to make divorce an option, so what do I have to do?" Divorce, doesn’t come upon you suddenly, it usually happens to people growing apart from each other. But you have to be INTENTIONAL about your marriage, and your parenting.
More about marriage later, this blog is on parenting.
Parenting Strategy 101
Tim and I have a saying: “Always have a punishment in your back pocket.” The bible tells us that the degree that we CONSISTENTLY discipline our children is the degree that we love them. The only strategy that we know that enables us to fulfill that challenge of consistent discipline is by always being ready with a punishment. In fact often times we will warn our children before we ask them to do something. We will say: “Now I’m going to ask you to do something and I want you to know that how you respond to that request will determine weather you go to hang out night. Have so and so over, or are grounded for the next week etc…” If you are cheerfully obedient then your privileges will remain in tact. However if you choose to sigh, roll your eyes or complain then you have decided to forfeit your privilege for pain.
"Always have a punishment in your back pocket." When it comes to discipline, consistency is the key. With three kids all two years apart it took being intentional in order to stay one step ahead of them. This was one of the "tools of the trade" that we used to help us remain consistent in our discipline. It was clear and concise and allowed us to discipline calmly, quickly, easily and fairly. I had a punishment wall that this was taped to that I could just go to and read what the designated punishment for the crime should be. For example: If TJ hit Tyler, he would get three swats, but if Tyler "started it", he would get one swat. So both kids would get punished for whatever crime they committed. THE SWAT CHART
CAUSING TROUBLE/DISCORD - 1 SWAT (taunting, teasing, badgering, "starting it", bullying around, etc. (Proverbs 6: 19)
ARGUING - 3 SWATS (arguing with each other, arguing with adults, verbal fighting etc. (Proverbs 15:1, Proverbs 16:32)
AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR - 3 SWATS (hitting, biting, kicking, pushing, elbowing, anything with the intent to hurt, etc. (Ephesians 4:31-32)
NAME CALLING - 2 SWATS (Calling a person by a name other than his or her own that is not complimentary. (James 3:1-12, Proverbs 6:12, Ephesians 4:31)
DISRESPECT OR DISOBEDIENCE - 3 SWATS (Verbal or non -verbal "back talk", not doing what you are told to do or doing it with a "BAD ATTITUDE", etc. (Ephesians 6:1-3)
LYING - 3 SWATS (Proverbs: 12:22)
MURMURING OR COMPLAINING - 2 SWATS
No - "But mom", "No ma'am" or "Please no" comments. (Philippians 2: 14)
The TOOLS of Consistency
From ages 1-8 punishment was pretty cut and dry. I used the swat chart to correct my children. On a good day, I would read the corresponding scripture before administering the rod of correction. On an average day, I would just identify the offense, check for how many swats that offense incurred and again administer the rod of correction. On a bad day, I was too selfish and lazy to correct my children despite their misbehavior.
How much I LOVE my children is directly related to how consistently I correct them when they have done wrong. (Proverbs 13:24)
When I spanked, I chose to use a 5 gallon paint stirrer. They were free and I had them everywhere - in my van, downstairs, upstairs. They were easy access. But to be honest, if you are consistent in the earlier years, you really do not have to use them much at all.
So this was my parenting strategy for ages 1- 8. Tomorrow I will post my discipline strategy for ages 9 - 12.
Cheering you on,
Mama Shedd
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