3 John 4: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in Truth.”
If this is true, so is:
"I have no greater sadness than to hear that my children are NOT walking in Truth."
It used to be that bad kids from bad families did bad things and got into serious trouble. Now it can be good kids from good families who are enticed into doing terrible and destructive things. No matter how good a parent you have been, your adult children can still be impacted by the dark side of today’s culture.
One of the hardest things about being a parent is watching someone you love so much go through the treacherous roads of life, knowing you can’t possibly protect them from everything. I guess it's in those times all we can do is remember they don’t really belong to us, they are just on loan. All we can do is love them, and pray for them.
"Relinquish Control or Die"
Giving up control as a mom one baby step at a time:
God showed me where my life was out of balance. God used my kids to reveal that to me. He taught me how to relinquish control. Because I had history with God, I knew that God was capable of being trusted. God asked me if I would trust Him with my kids. I had to be intentional about relinquishing my control. I think it's natural for a mom to want to fix everything for her kids. I’m used to being a fix it kind of person. If you have a problem, I’ll read the book on the 10 easy ways to fix this problem and I’ll take care of it. Suddenly I was in this situation where I had absolutely no ability to fix it and I realized I had to give to the Lord with an open hand.
For most of us, relinquishment is not a one time experience. Sometimes I would relinquish my control for one minute, then I would say, “No I’d like to worry about that again, I’d like to be angry about that, or I’d like to be hurt about that again." I realized that relinquishment would sometimes be for an hour, then I would relinquish for a whole day.
What does it look like if moms do not choose life and they refuse to relinquish control? It’s painful. Life does not always go as planned.
How would my life have been different if I had not relinquished? The events would have still been the same, but what would have been different had I not relinquished control to Jesus Christ, if I just couldn't let go? Our choice is either relinquish control or die. When I say die I do not mean physical death, but rather emotional death, where for example I curl up in a ball and die emotionally, quit answering my door, quit looking at email, quit picking up the phone, quit being a youth deacon, quit being a Daughter of the King representative, quit living.
Or choose life.
It’s important that you don’t allow yourself to get too close to people who have known no pain. People who have known some pain are safer than those who have not known pain. A good friend will weep with you, and say, “I’m so sorry for you, I'm praying for you, I'm praying for your family." Most people will think about your situation for about five minutes before they forget about you and think about their own problems. They have their own troubles and they don’t worry about us that long.
I realize that we all have similar kinds of feelings and we are not to compare each others' pain. It’s all pain. Once we realize it’s all pain, that’s when we can begin to communicate honestly with each other and start seeking biblical solutions to the problems we are all facing. The truth is, the Bible has the answers to today’s pain.
One of the reasons that we have such a hard time relinquishing control is because our identity is in the wrong place. Tomorrow I will share how important it is that our identity be in Christ.
Forever Cheering you on to Victory in Christ.
Showing posts with label adult child. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adult child. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Friday, September 3, 2010
Ages 18 - 21 -These are the Best of Times, These are the Worst of Times
Parenting your adult children, ages 18 - 21: It could be described as, "These are the best of times, these are the worst of times."
At age 18, society declares our children are adults. At 18, our military will hand our children a gun and give them the responsibility of defending our country. However, parents of adult children have a different understanding of what it means to be an adult. Parents believe that being an adult means you are able to support yourself and provide food, clothing, housing, and have a job that allows you to do all those things. In our society very few 18 year olds are self sufficient. The only thing our 18 year old children need from us is our money. They do NOT need our advice or opinions and they definitely do not need our lectures.
We have a standard in our home called A.R.P., which stands for "Advice Requires Permission". If at any time I offer advice without my children giving me permission to do so, they are able to hold me accountable just by saying the word ARP. In this season of our lives, we as parents have to learn to hold our tongues. This cannot be done by using our own power. We must rely on the power of the Holy Spirit and faith. THE OPPOSITE OF FAITH IS FEAR. The reason we try so hard to control our children is because we are driven by fear. Many times the fear is rooted in mistakes that we made when we were their age.
When our children are younger we have a high level of control. We basically make all the decisions for our children. We decide when they get up, what they eat, where they go, who they hang out with. Many times the best parents during ages birth - 15, make the worst parents during ages 16 - 21, because they have been so vigilant to make sure little Johnny got everything right. When it's time for little Johnny to start making his own decisions, they are paralyzed with fear that little Johnny will make some major mistakes that will mess up the rest of his life. One of the hardest things about being a parent is watching someone you love so much go through the treacherous roads of life, knowing you can’t possibly protect them from everything. I guess it's in those times that all we can do is remember they don’t really belong to us, they are just on loan. All we can do is love them and pray for them. For better or for worse, our children are going to have to live with the choices that they make, as we have had to live with the choices we have made.
Don't be a Gnat in God's Face
As we pray for God to deal with our children, when our children begin to suffer we will step in and rescue them. If you are praying for God to deal with your son or daughter, it's so important that you allow your child to suffer the pain that will bring them back to God. As my children were growing up I use to say to them often, "YOU CAN LEARN BY LISTENING OUR YOU CAN LEARN BY PAIN." Some kids choose to learn by pain. Another truth I would live by is: "When the face hits the pavement the ears pop open." This is true in marriage as well. C.S. Lewis put it this way: "Pain and Suffering are the microphone to a deaf ear." So if God chooses to use pain in order to get my child's attention, I don't want to be that irritating gnat that God has to swat out of the way in order to answer my prayers for my children.
Don't Abandon Your Child in Their Rebellion:
I am a Baby Boomer so I grew up during the time when parents were taught the "tough love" mentality when dealing with rebellious teenagers. I watched as my parents kicked my siblings out of the house. It did not work or promote positive change in my siblings. I'm not saying that approach never works, but please do not be so quick to resort to that tactic. Unless there is domestic violence, this approach is not something that I would recommend. Don't abandon your rebellious teenager. I would rather have my child make their mistakes while living under my roof where we can still have some influence on them when THEY ASK for it.
Except from Stormie Omartian's book: "Praying For Your Adult Children"
"When you throw them out they can get into a lot of trouble. They can become more vulnerable to evil influences because they are afraid or desperate. You must have the mind of God about this. You have to be certain that throwing your adult child out of your house is what God wants you to do. In some cases it may well be, but it can’t be a decision born of human emotions, such as anger. Remember, you have released your adult child into God’s hands. That doesn’t mean you have given up on him or her. You’re not saying, “You take him, God. I can’t deal with him anymore.” Or, “That’s it, Lord. I’ve had it. She’s all Yours now.” It means you have surrendered the burden you have been carrying for your adult child to the Lord so He can take it off of your shoulders. Then the burden you carry is in prayer. Today’s cultural environment will chew our adult children up and spit them out if they are not strong enough to recognize the destructive, dark, and powerful forces that are in it and be able to resist them. No matter how horrible our own background might have been, we weren’t confronted with the outpouring of evil they are facing today. It is becoming so dangerous that even our adult children cannot successfully withstand it on their own. They need the power of the Holy Spirit, and they need our prayers to help them understand how He moves in power on their behalf. If you have an adult child who has grieved or worried you, or caused problems for himself (herself) or for you or others, ask God to pour out His Spirit on him (her) right now. Don’t waste time blaming yourself, the other parent, or your child. I am not saying your adult children don’t bear any responsibility for what happens in their lives. They certainly do. But the overriding factor is that only an outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God on your adult children is powerful enough to withstand the onslaught of the spirit of evil coming against them. Asking God to pour out His Spirit upon your adult children is a simple prayer with powerful ramifications, both for you and for them."
This blog has gotten longer than I had anticipated, so tomorrow I will blog on "Relinquish Control or Die". Consider this the introduction to tomorrow's blog. I have heard from several of you on FaceBook that you want me to blog on marriage as well as some of my fun ideas. I will get to that eventually, I promise.
Forever Cheering you on,
Naomi
At age 18, society declares our children are adults. At 18, our military will hand our children a gun and give them the responsibility of defending our country. However, parents of adult children have a different understanding of what it means to be an adult. Parents believe that being an adult means you are able to support yourself and provide food, clothing, housing, and have a job that allows you to do all those things. In our society very few 18 year olds are self sufficient. The only thing our 18 year old children need from us is our money. They do NOT need our advice or opinions and they definitely do not need our lectures.
We have a standard in our home called A.R.P., which stands for "Advice Requires Permission". If at any time I offer advice without my children giving me permission to do so, they are able to hold me accountable just by saying the word ARP. In this season of our lives, we as parents have to learn to hold our tongues. This cannot be done by using our own power. We must rely on the power of the Holy Spirit and faith. THE OPPOSITE OF FAITH IS FEAR. The reason we try so hard to control our children is because we are driven by fear. Many times the fear is rooted in mistakes that we made when we were their age.
When our children are younger we have a high level of control. We basically make all the decisions for our children. We decide when they get up, what they eat, where they go, who they hang out with. Many times the best parents during ages birth - 15, make the worst parents during ages 16 - 21, because they have been so vigilant to make sure little Johnny got everything right. When it's time for little Johnny to start making his own decisions, they are paralyzed with fear that little Johnny will make some major mistakes that will mess up the rest of his life. One of the hardest things about being a parent is watching someone you love so much go through the treacherous roads of life, knowing you can’t possibly protect them from everything. I guess it's in those times that all we can do is remember they don’t really belong to us, they are just on loan. All we can do is love them and pray for them. For better or for worse, our children are going to have to live with the choices that they make, as we have had to live with the choices we have made.
Don't be a Gnat in God's Face
As we pray for God to deal with our children, when our children begin to suffer we will step in and rescue them. If you are praying for God to deal with your son or daughter, it's so important that you allow your child to suffer the pain that will bring them back to God. As my children were growing up I use to say to them often, "YOU CAN LEARN BY LISTENING OUR YOU CAN LEARN BY PAIN." Some kids choose to learn by pain. Another truth I would live by is: "When the face hits the pavement the ears pop open." This is true in marriage as well. C.S. Lewis put it this way: "Pain and Suffering are the microphone to a deaf ear." So if God chooses to use pain in order to get my child's attention, I don't want to be that irritating gnat that God has to swat out of the way in order to answer my prayers for my children.
Don't Abandon Your Child in Their Rebellion:
I am a Baby Boomer so I grew up during the time when parents were taught the "tough love" mentality when dealing with rebellious teenagers. I watched as my parents kicked my siblings out of the house. It did not work or promote positive change in my siblings. I'm not saying that approach never works, but please do not be so quick to resort to that tactic. Unless there is domestic violence, this approach is not something that I would recommend. Don't abandon your rebellious teenager. I would rather have my child make their mistakes while living under my roof where we can still have some influence on them when THEY ASK for it.
Except from Stormie Omartian's book: "Praying For Your Adult Children"
"When you throw them out they can get into a lot of trouble. They can become more vulnerable to evil influences because they are afraid or desperate. You must have the mind of God about this. You have to be certain that throwing your adult child out of your house is what God wants you to do. In some cases it may well be, but it can’t be a decision born of human emotions, such as anger. Remember, you have released your adult child into God’s hands. That doesn’t mean you have given up on him or her. You’re not saying, “You take him, God. I can’t deal with him anymore.” Or, “That’s it, Lord. I’ve had it. She’s all Yours now.” It means you have surrendered the burden you have been carrying for your adult child to the Lord so He can take it off of your shoulders. Then the burden you carry is in prayer. Today’s cultural environment will chew our adult children up and spit them out if they are not strong enough to recognize the destructive, dark, and powerful forces that are in it and be able to resist them. No matter how horrible our own background might have been, we weren’t confronted with the outpouring of evil they are facing today. It is becoming so dangerous that even our adult children cannot successfully withstand it on their own. They need the power of the Holy Spirit, and they need our prayers to help them understand how He moves in power on their behalf. If you have an adult child who has grieved or worried you, or caused problems for himself (herself) or for you or others, ask God to pour out His Spirit on him (her) right now. Don’t waste time blaming yourself, the other parent, or your child. I am not saying your adult children don’t bear any responsibility for what happens in their lives. They certainly do. But the overriding factor is that only an outpouring of the Holy Spirit of God on your adult children is powerful enough to withstand the onslaught of the spirit of evil coming against them. Asking God to pour out His Spirit upon your adult children is a simple prayer with powerful ramifications, both for you and for them."
This blog has gotten longer than I had anticipated, so tomorrow I will blog on "Relinquish Control or Die". Consider this the introduction to tomorrow's blog. I have heard from several of you on FaceBook that you want me to blog on marriage as well as some of my fun ideas. I will get to that eventually, I promise.
Forever Cheering you on,
Naomi
Monday, August 30, 2010
Why the Name: "Professional Parenting"
A few months ago, my middle son TJ came home from work, handed me a set of motivational CDs that he had been listening to and said,
TJ: "You should listen to these you would like them."
Mom: "Really, why is that?"
TJ: "Because he talks about a bunch of stuff that you are always telling us."
Mom: "Really, like what?"
TJ: "Like you know how you are always telling us to live in the moment and don't be texting all the time and how you are always taking pictures and how you are always setting goals. You do what he tells us to do in business, except you just do it in parenting."
Mom: "That's really funny that you would say that TJ, because I have been thinking about writing a book called "Professional Parenting" with the subtitle: "The Business Man's Guide to Parenting."
TJ: "I think you should write it."
So that is how the name of this blog came to be. I have it on my list to co-author a book by that title with John Maxwell. I'm not naive to the fact that most of the parenting books that are purchased are purchased by wives who then try to coerce their husbands into reading them. The "following" on this blog confirms that it's the women who are doing the reading on parenting. As far as I know, I don't have any men following my blog. However, if a book was written about parenting that the man could use the principals in his business as well as in his parenting, then perhaps more men would be more interested in reading that book.
OK enough about the title. Today I would like to talk to you about the importance of setting goals in your parenting. It is my belief that the days of passive parenting are a thing of the past. I don't believe you can be passive in your training and have your kids survive this sin-filled culture. My personality type "D" enables me to keep my eye on a goal for a very long time.
I had 3 goals in mind as my kids were growing up:
1. The importance of the power of the tongue.
2. How to resolve conflict.
3. The importance of guarding their innocence.
The power of the tongue.
The Bible is very clear about the power of speech to do great good or evil. Here, words are described as having the power of life and death--the power to build somebody up or tear them down. The power of the tongue should not be underestimated. Proverbs 18:21 - "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. "Eat" what? You will either eat the fruit of life or you will eat the fruit of death, depending on how you speak. Each day you are given a choice as to whether you are going to float your tongue in the river of life or the river of death. CHOOSE LIFE!
This is a lesson that all 3 of my kids have learned well. Very rarely will you ever hear them speak negatively about themselves or others. They understand the power to speak verbal blessings. Another reason I know that my kids "got this one" is because now that my kids are grown, I will sometimes relax my "guard". Just the other day I said something that was not positive in nature and my son said, "I can't believe you spoke that curse over my life." So yeah, I think all three of my kids got that one.
How to Resolve Conflict:
This is probably the one that I put the most effort into helping them learn, because I feel that if someone has good conflict resolution skills they will be successful in every area of their life. They will be successful in their marriage, they will be successful in their jobs. Since many times the reason someone gets fired is not because they can't do the work, but rather because they can't get a long with people. The training tool that I used to teach them how to be good at Conflict Resolution is Pastor John Fichtner's teaching series: "Conflict Resolution". You can listen to this series online if you would like by going to http://www.libertychurch.org/. Tim and I also tried to lead by example, by allowing our kids to observe how Tim and I worked to come to agreement when making decisions. Being good at conflict resolution requires people to be teachable and humble. Remember a humble person "WANTS TRUTH MORE THAN THEY WANT TO BE RIGHT." I have seen my kids resolve conflict over the years in a healthy manner, so I know that they got this principal as well. My youngest son was in a band when he was 15 - 16. Being in a band and working with 5 other families provided him with many opportunities for implementing his conflict resolution skills. Now whether they choose to apply what they know is another matter all together, but at least they have the knowledge of HOW to resolve conflict properly.
The importance of guarding your innocence:
In today's sin-filled culture you are looked at as weird if you even attempt to guard your innocence. What I tried to communicate to my kids is you are not weird for trying to guard your innocence, but you are rare and valuable.
For our 25th wedding anniversary, my wonderful husband bought me a beautiful diamond ring. I would hold up that ring and ask my kids, "Why is this diamond so valuable?" After many guesses we would come to the conclusion that what makes things valuable is how rare they are. One way we decided to protect their innocence was by purchasing a Clearplay DVD player. Its a DVD player that filters out the sex, cussing, and excessive violence. That way we can enjoy a movie without having to lay aside Biblical principals for the sake of "entertainment". During the teen years they did not feel like they were current and up on movies, so our compromise was Clearplay. Good leadership is being able to come up with options that everyone is pleased with. Now that my kids are adults, I don't always agree with their media choices but its their lives and they will have to live with the choices they make. It's my hope that the filth of this world will be distasteful to them and they will return to guarding their innocence once again. Don't get me wrong, their media choices are probably much like the average Christian Joe's media choices and my standards are looked at by others as "weird", but to me I find them very valuable.
So in conclusion, I would like to challenge you to start thinking about what goals you would like to achieve as parents. What would you like for your children to leave your home with when they move out, and what tools are you going to implement in order for you to reach those goals?
One other side note: It's vital that you understand that you can make goals all you want, but unless your son or daughter sees the benefit of that goal, they will be YOUR goals, NOT THEIR GOALS. One thing about generation X-ers and the Millennium generation is they don't do anything unless you show them how it will BENEFIT them. So not only is it important to come up with the goals, but even more important is communicating to your teens how adopting these goals for themselves will BENEFIT THEM.
Tomorrow I promise to write about creative punishments for teenagers and I will also share the number one thing that teens want.
TJ: "You should listen to these you would like them."
Mom: "Really, why is that?"
TJ: "Because he talks about a bunch of stuff that you are always telling us."
Mom: "Really, like what?"
TJ: "Like you know how you are always telling us to live in the moment and don't be texting all the time and how you are always taking pictures and how you are always setting goals. You do what he tells us to do in business, except you just do it in parenting."
Mom: "That's really funny that you would say that TJ, because I have been thinking about writing a book called "Professional Parenting" with the subtitle: "The Business Man's Guide to Parenting."
TJ: "I think you should write it."
So that is how the name of this blog came to be. I have it on my list to co-author a book by that title with John Maxwell. I'm not naive to the fact that most of the parenting books that are purchased are purchased by wives who then try to coerce their husbands into reading them. The "following" on this blog confirms that it's the women who are doing the reading on parenting. As far as I know, I don't have any men following my blog. However, if a book was written about parenting that the man could use the principals in his business as well as in his parenting, then perhaps more men would be more interested in reading that book.
OK enough about the title. Today I would like to talk to you about the importance of setting goals in your parenting. It is my belief that the days of passive parenting are a thing of the past. I don't believe you can be passive in your training and have your kids survive this sin-filled culture. My personality type "D" enables me to keep my eye on a goal for a very long time.
I had 3 goals in mind as my kids were growing up:
1. The importance of the power of the tongue.
2. How to resolve conflict.
3. The importance of guarding their innocence.
The power of the tongue.
The Bible is very clear about the power of speech to do great good or evil. Here, words are described as having the power of life and death--the power to build somebody up or tear them down. The power of the tongue should not be underestimated. Proverbs 18:21 - "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit. "Eat" what? You will either eat the fruit of life or you will eat the fruit of death, depending on how you speak. Each day you are given a choice as to whether you are going to float your tongue in the river of life or the river of death. CHOOSE LIFE!
This is a lesson that all 3 of my kids have learned well. Very rarely will you ever hear them speak negatively about themselves or others. They understand the power to speak verbal blessings. Another reason I know that my kids "got this one" is because now that my kids are grown, I will sometimes relax my "guard". Just the other day I said something that was not positive in nature and my son said, "I can't believe you spoke that curse over my life." So yeah, I think all three of my kids got that one.
How to Resolve Conflict:
This is probably the one that I put the most effort into helping them learn, because I feel that if someone has good conflict resolution skills they will be successful in every area of their life. They will be successful in their marriage, they will be successful in their jobs. Since many times the reason someone gets fired is not because they can't do the work, but rather because they can't get a long with people. The training tool that I used to teach them how to be good at Conflict Resolution is Pastor John Fichtner's teaching series: "Conflict Resolution". You can listen to this series online if you would like by going to http://www.libertychurch.org/. Tim and I also tried to lead by example, by allowing our kids to observe how Tim and I worked to come to agreement when making decisions. Being good at conflict resolution requires people to be teachable and humble. Remember a humble person "WANTS TRUTH MORE THAN THEY WANT TO BE RIGHT." I have seen my kids resolve conflict over the years in a healthy manner, so I know that they got this principal as well. My youngest son was in a band when he was 15 - 16. Being in a band and working with 5 other families provided him with many opportunities for implementing his conflict resolution skills. Now whether they choose to apply what they know is another matter all together, but at least they have the knowledge of HOW to resolve conflict properly.
The importance of guarding your innocence:
In today's sin-filled culture you are looked at as weird if you even attempt to guard your innocence. What I tried to communicate to my kids is you are not weird for trying to guard your innocence, but you are rare and valuable.
For our 25th wedding anniversary, my wonderful husband bought me a beautiful diamond ring. I would hold up that ring and ask my kids, "Why is this diamond so valuable?" After many guesses we would come to the conclusion that what makes things valuable is how rare they are. One way we decided to protect their innocence was by purchasing a Clearplay DVD player. Its a DVD player that filters out the sex, cussing, and excessive violence. That way we can enjoy a movie without having to lay aside Biblical principals for the sake of "entertainment". During the teen years they did not feel like they were current and up on movies, so our compromise was Clearplay. Good leadership is being able to come up with options that everyone is pleased with. Now that my kids are adults, I don't always agree with their media choices but its their lives and they will have to live with the choices they make. It's my hope that the filth of this world will be distasteful to them and they will return to guarding their innocence once again. Don't get me wrong, their media choices are probably much like the average Christian Joe's media choices and my standards are looked at by others as "weird", but to me I find them very valuable.
So in conclusion, I would like to challenge you to start thinking about what goals you would like to achieve as parents. What would you like for your children to leave your home with when they move out, and what tools are you going to implement in order for you to reach those goals?
One other side note: It's vital that you understand that you can make goals all you want, but unless your son or daughter sees the benefit of that goal, they will be YOUR goals, NOT THEIR GOALS. One thing about generation X-ers and the Millennium generation is they don't do anything unless you show them how it will BENEFIT them. So not only is it important to come up with the goals, but even more important is communicating to your teens how adopting these goals for themselves will BENEFIT THEM.
Tomorrow I promise to write about creative punishments for teenagers and I will also share the number one thing that teens want.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Being An Adult Has Nothing to do With Age
I have seen 40 year old men act like children and 14 year old children act like adults. Being an adult has NOTHING to do with age.
A child is FORCED responsibility, an adult TAKES responsibility. The secret to success throughout the teenage years, or life for that matter, is for you as parents to remain TEACHABLE and HUMBLE.
A humble mom/dad is someone who desires TRUTH more than they desire to BE RIGHT.
If you remain humble and teachable with your kids in the teen years, you will go from SURVIVING the teen years to THRIVING in the teen years.
When our middle son was 12, we each signed an agreement that we were going to be people of TRUTH.
I WANT TRUTH - Naomi
I WANT TRUTH - Tim
I WANT TRUTH - TJ
Being an adult means that the NUMBER ONE area that you take responsibility for is in the area of your ACTIONS and ATTITUDES. That means that you do not blame others for your bad attitude, you do not make excuses for your bad attitude and you do not deny that you had a bad attitude.
I want to park it right here because this might very well be the most important thing I ever say in my blog - ever.
THIS BLOG IS BIGGER THAN BLOGS ONE – THREE COMBINED.
WHEN YOU BLAME A BAD ATTITUDE ON ANYONE ELSE…YOU ARE A CHILD.
BAD ATTITUDE = TONE OF VOICE and Body Language.
THE DAY YOU BECOME AN ADULT IS THE DAY YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE BEFORE GOD FOR YOUR ATTITUDE AND THERE IS NEVER AN EXCUSE FOR A BAD ATTITUDE. If you are an adult, you finish the sentence with, "The reason I’m grumpy is because I have a bad attitude, and I need someone to punish me, because I am serious about wanting to change my childish behavior."
In week 7 of my "Daughter of the King" class, I teach the girls "The Rewards of Obedience" and I teach them the acronym B.E.D. (Blame, Excuse, Deny). If you make your BED you will lie in it. If you BLAME others for your bad attitude you are a CHILD. If you make EXCUSES for your bad attitude you are a CHILD. If you DENY that you have a bad attitude you are a CHILD. If you take responsibility for your bad attitude and accept your punishment, that will help you change your anger issues. Then you are acting like an adult and you are humble. AKA: Someone who wants truth more than you want to be right.
This is a concept I worked very hard at instilling into my kids when they were between the ages of 8 - 12. During this season of their lives they are very motivated to grow up. I think it's important that we are specific so our children know what it means to "grow up". Tomorrow I will talk about some specific goals to help your kids know what they are trying to reach.
From 12 – 17 is when we as parents get to drink the fruit of our own attitudes. Up to 12 years old we are pouring our attitudes into the cups of our children. At 12 – 17 they tell you to drink that cup. If you are apathetic your teenager will be apathetic. If you have a temper your teenager will have a temper.
Paul listed 15 adult attitudes in I Corinthians 13. These "Fruits of the Spirit" are: Love, Joy, Peace, Gentleness, Patience, Kindness, Does not envy, is not proud, is not RUDE, IS NOT SELF SEEKING, IS NOT EASILY ANGERED, KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS, NEVER DELIGHTS IN EVIL, ALWAYS HOPES AND ALWAYS PERSEVERES. THIS IS ADULTHOOD!
The teenage years are a second chance for Mom and Dad to grow up!! Yay!! I think God smiles at this opportunity.
Cheering you on.
A child is FORCED responsibility, an adult TAKES responsibility. The secret to success throughout the teenage years, or life for that matter, is for you as parents to remain TEACHABLE and HUMBLE.
A humble mom/dad is someone who desires TRUTH more than they desire to BE RIGHT.
If you remain humble and teachable with your kids in the teen years, you will go from SURVIVING the teen years to THRIVING in the teen years.
When our middle son was 12, we each signed an agreement that we were going to be people of TRUTH.
I WANT TRUTH - Naomi
I WANT TRUTH - Tim
I WANT TRUTH - TJ
Being an adult means that the NUMBER ONE area that you take responsibility for is in the area of your ACTIONS and ATTITUDES. That means that you do not blame others for your bad attitude, you do not make excuses for your bad attitude and you do not deny that you had a bad attitude.
I want to park it right here because this might very well be the most important thing I ever say in my blog - ever.
THIS BLOG IS BIGGER THAN BLOGS ONE – THREE COMBINED.
WHEN YOU BLAME A BAD ATTITUDE ON ANYONE ELSE…YOU ARE A CHILD.
BAD ATTITUDE = TONE OF VOICE and Body Language.
THE DAY YOU BECOME AN ADULT IS THE DAY YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE BEFORE GOD FOR YOUR ATTITUDE AND THERE IS NEVER AN EXCUSE FOR A BAD ATTITUDE. If you are an adult, you finish the sentence with, "The reason I’m grumpy is because I have a bad attitude, and I need someone to punish me, because I am serious about wanting to change my childish behavior."
In week 7 of my "Daughter of the King" class, I teach the girls "The Rewards of Obedience" and I teach them the acronym B.E.D. (Blame, Excuse, Deny). If you make your BED you will lie in it. If you BLAME others for your bad attitude you are a CHILD. If you make EXCUSES for your bad attitude you are a CHILD. If you DENY that you have a bad attitude you are a CHILD. If you take responsibility for your bad attitude and accept your punishment, that will help you change your anger issues. Then you are acting like an adult and you are humble. AKA: Someone who wants truth more than you want to be right.
This is a concept I worked very hard at instilling into my kids when they were between the ages of 8 - 12. During this season of their lives they are very motivated to grow up. I think it's important that we are specific so our children know what it means to "grow up". Tomorrow I will talk about some specific goals to help your kids know what they are trying to reach.
From 12 – 17 is when we as parents get to drink the fruit of our own attitudes. Up to 12 years old we are pouring our attitudes into the cups of our children. At 12 – 17 they tell you to drink that cup. If you are apathetic your teenager will be apathetic. If you have a temper your teenager will have a temper.
Paul listed 15 adult attitudes in I Corinthians 13. These "Fruits of the Spirit" are: Love, Joy, Peace, Gentleness, Patience, Kindness, Does not envy, is not proud, is not RUDE, IS NOT SELF SEEKING, IS NOT EASILY ANGERED, KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS, NEVER DELIGHTS IN EVIL, ALWAYS HOPES AND ALWAYS PERSEVERES. THIS IS ADULTHOOD!
The teenage years are a second chance for Mom and Dad to grow up!! Yay!! I think God smiles at this opportunity.
Cheering you on.
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