Part 2: An Object Lesson on Pornography That Your Kids Will NEVER Forget

We are wired to remember object lessons.  It's basically all Jesus used when he preached.  Many of the parables in the Bible are object lessons. So when I was asked to speak on pornography in our youth service at church, I used an object lesson to help the kids remember the point I was making.  I preached that sermon nearly six years ago and I still will have teens who are now in their 20's tell me that of all the sermons they heard, the one that I preached on pornography they never forgot. 

What I did is: I went to the local wig store and bought a styrofoam head that they use to display the wigs on.  Then I got a branding iron. I wanted one with a "P" on it, but couldn't find it, so I settled for one with a "V" on it.  As I spoke I had the lights set low.  The kids did not know it, but while I was speaking I had a guy with a grill heating up the branding iron.  He kept it in the coals until is was glowing red hot.  When I signaled for him to come in, he came into the youth building carrying the glowing red hot "V" branding iron.  I held up the branding iron in one hand and said, "This is pornography." I then held up the styrofoam head in the other hand, "This is your brain." Then I brought the two of them together and said, "This is your brain on pornography."  When the branding iron came in contact with the styrofoam it smoked and put off a terrible smell.  I also used the smell as an object lesson, telling them about how we as Christians carry with us the aroma of God, but pornography carries with it the hideous smell of death. 

Then I explained to them that pornography sears your brain like a brand. When you look at pornographic images those images are seared on your brain forever.  Because God created us as sexual beings our brains don’t function the same in the area of pornography. Why is it that when you study for a test, after you take that test two days later you can't remember what you studied, but with pornography, images that you have seen years ago you can still pull up in your brain?  It's because pornography sears your brain and you can’t erase a sear on your brain, because once something is seared it is permanent.

I would like to challenge you parents with kids in the house ages 11 - 19 to do this object lesson with them.  It just might be the most important lesson that you can ever teach them.  Perhaps it will save them from years of misery, guilt, shame and remorse.  Our kids are being inundated with adult content at younger and younger ages. If they are going to not just survive but thrive, we must TRAIN them up. Training takes TIME and INTENTIONALITY.  


With this generation of teenagers you can't say: "JUST SAY NO!" It does NOT work.  What this generation of teenagers want to know is WHY should I say "NO"?  They want to know what's in it for me.  How will saying "NO" benefit me? And I think they are right.  It shows respect (which is the number one thing that teenagers crave) when you take the time to explain to them WHY they should say no, and how saying no benefits them.  But you can't be a passive parent and be equipped with the answers your teenagers need.  You have to stay up on what's happening in their world in order to know how to to relate to them.  The way I did that was by serving as a youth deacon at my church for the past 14 years, as well as educating myself by listening to podcasts like "Boundless" (target audience 18 - 30),  as well as Focus on the Family podcasts that deal with teen issues that are relevant to this generation. 

For all you country music lovers out there, I would like to recommend a new CD by Guy Penrod, called "Breathe Deep". Song 1 is about marriage.  Song 2 reminds us to "Pray about Everything". Song 3 "Young Enough to Know Better" is about abstinence.  At first I just downloaded one song. After previewing several of the songs I bought the CD.  I love it!

I highly recommend it. It's a great reminder to be intentional about our parenting goals and strategies. 

Being a mom is the most important thing I have ever done,

Naomi

Pornography & Teens

I have been working with teens for the past 14 years.  When I began working with teens the Internet was not around so I rarely had to deal with the issue of pornography.  Today however, that is not the case.  Just last week I was confronted with the issue of pornography on four different occasions.  Three came from teens and one came from a parent.  There seems to be somewhat of a disconnect between the Baby Boomers (1945 – 1960), the Generation X-ers (1961-1981) and the Millenniums (1982 - current day).  The parents of the Millenniums have a hard time comprehending how their teenager could be addicted to pornography, because back when the Baby Boomers were growing up only truck drivers or perverts viewed such vial images.  However, the Millenniums don't know anyone older than 12 who has not seen pornography. 

I know that several of you have toddlers and it makes you sick to your stomach to even think about pornography stealing away the innocence of your son/daughter, but unfortunately that is the reality of the world we live in.

As a youth leader I have seen two extreme reactions from parents when they find their teenager has been viewing pornography: 

1.  Is to freak out.  This is not good, and it does nothing to help your teen move away from his/her addictive behavior.

2. Treat it as if it's "no big deal". After a teenager confided in me that he was struggling with pornography I encouraged him to tell his dad about his battle.  I was proud of this young man having the courage to come clean to his Dad.  He asked his father if he would put filters on his computer so that he would not be tempted.  His Dad's response was: "Look son, this is something you are going to have to deal with your whole life, it's time for you to man up and just be strong enough to resist the temptation." 

This too is a wrong reaction.  It's vital that as parents we provide solid answers and solutions to the issues our kids are faced with. (Note: These will be covered in tomorrow's blog.)

Remember yesterday's blog: "Lead me not into temptation." If you have a computer in your house and you don't have a GOOD filter on it, you are a fool.  YOU ARE LEADING YOUR CHILDREN INTO TEMPTATION. 

When a kid comes to me and tells me that they are addicted to pornography, the first thing I do is ask them if they would please forgive my generation for making it so hard on them to grow up.  A lot of the pain this generation is suffering is due to the Boomers not speaking up and fighting for a moral society. 

The second thing I do is explain to them WHY THEY MUST BEAT THIS DEMON.  The demon of lust is the meanest and baddest demon of them all.  You can say that you don't believe in demons, however, whether or not you believe something or don't believe something has nothing to do with what is truth.

  According to the Bible there are only four ways to open yourself up to demonic activity:

1.  Exposing yourself to the Occult (witchcraft, palm reading, Harry Potter is occult activity)

2. Sexual Immorality (pornography, sex outside of marriage, homosexuality, sexual immorality)

3. Drugs and Alcohol (drunkenness, getting high)

4. Gossip and Slander 

The Bible says: "Resist the devil and he will flee from you." It will take every bit of fight they have in them to win this battle but it's OH SO WORTH THE EFFORT.

The third thing that I say to that teenager is (I look them straight in the eyes and say):


"You are not abnormal.  Every male at some point in his life will have to stare down the demon of pornography."


I have spoken on this issue before and I will post my notes from that sermon tomorrow, but I feel as if this blog is getting rather lengthy.  So I guess you can consider this the introduction to my series on pornography.