Wednesday, September 29, 2010


Why is sex outside of marriage wrong?

There are Two Answers: 

  1. It is demanding the REWARDS of the covenant without the Commitment of the Covenant.
Any time two people have sex outside of marriage they have abused each other.  Satan loves to mock.  One of the ways he mocks is to twist things.  He mocks every time someone has sex outside of marriage by calling it making love”.  Love has nothing to do with it.  Love is giving. Sex outside of marriage is pure, 100% selfishness. When you violate a person, you do the opposite of love.   People who have sex outside of marriage, on a 0 – 100 scale never get above a 25 in pleasure.  It’s all about self-esteem.  It is when a person says, “I am a prince of the King of Kings and I am a bless-er.  To be in a dating relationship with me is a high privilege and if you would shred my soul, go away."  Paul says, “Live a life of love.”, which is the opposite of sexual immorality.  Paul says, “Must not be even a hint of sexual immorality.”  The minute you have introduced the concept that sex is “take what I can when I can”, you loose a cancer in the relationship. It may not kill the relationship although it kills most.  The most disrespectful thing one person can do to another person is sex outside of marriage.  It has been my experience as a youth deacon that most relationships break up 4 - 6 weeks after a couple has sex.  The reason being is that respect is the most important thing to a man, and once a man has been able to disrespect a woman, to that degree he can no longer be in relationship with her.  Even if the relationship survives into marriage, the fact that you survived cancer doesn’t mean that cancer is a good thing.  Asking how far is too far is like asking, “How much arsenic do you want in your food?”

The first 10 chapters of Proverbs are devoted exclusively to how to avoid sexual immorality.

When a man in a dating relationship understands that he has a 0% chance of anything inappropriate going on, he is able to focus his full attention on getting to know and understand the woman he loves.  If a man cannot be trusted sexually he cannot be trusted in other areas as well.

  1. It kills your ability to trust. Herein lies the dynamic of trust in a relationship - when you took something that was not yours, you said, “I will violate you."
Good Physical Boundaries.

It is so easy to stay sexually pure.  It's not hard because your eyes have been opened.  You see that for a little selfish abuse you throw away a lifetime of pleasure.  Boundaries are easy for a healthy soul.

  1. Talk about your boundaries before your first date
  2. Never be alone in a private place.  That includes parked cars!

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